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Why did I do this?

Why did I do this?

By whitley121

This is my life. My terrible life. I'm 18 years old and I have just discovered I'm pregnant. My boyfriend doesn't want the baby but I do. He's forcing me to get rid of it. I'm so scared if I don't, he'll leave me. So this is what I have to do.
It is 5th July. The day of my abortion. The clinic was very big and spacious. The waiting room had comfortable, blue chairs and light blue painted walls. There were many people waiting to be seen. "You just have to be strong." My boyfriend says calmly.
How can he be so calm about this? This is our baby I was getting rid of. Did he not care at all? Obviously not. After twenty minutes of waiting, I was finally called in.
"Jasmine, we will see you now." Shouts the nurse.
The nurse was very helpful but I did not want to do this. If only I had the courage to speak out, I would not have been in this situation. Slowly, I sit down in the uncomfortable, wooden chair, alongside my boyfriend waiting for the nurse to sort out everything. She had to test me for HIV and chlamdiya. To test for HIV, the nurse pricked my finger and squeezed my blood onto a pad. She then mixed it with some water and put it into the computer. I was not enjoying this at all. Who would? It was negative. I was then told to lay on the bed so the nurse could date my pregnancy. The bed was slightly more comfortable than the chair. "Can you just lower your trousers and bit and pull your top up?" She gently asks. I do what she says while she prepares the liquid she had to squirt on my stomach. The liquid was freezing like ice. She carefully scanned me, looking at the screen located right next to my bed. Turning to the screen, I see my tiny little baby. It was like a little bean except with toes and fingers. I could just about make them out. "You are eight weeks and two days" She told me. Just over two months pregnant. My boyfriend just sat there, looking the other direction. I felt sick to my stomach. It was churning with guilt. I thought to myself "I need to run away, now." Instead I just sat there, wiping the liquid away with the tissue the nurse provided me with. She gave me a tube with a long cotton bud. This was to test for Chlamydia. "Thank you." I said quietly. My boyfriend and I exit the room and made our way to the toilets so I can swab myself with this cotton bud. Standing there in the toilet, I swabbed myself with the cotton bud and sat on the toilet seat for ten minutes. I stuck the tube back into the envelope and ran downstairs to give it to the receptionist.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" The recptionist asked.
I stayed silent for about ten seconds before replying "yes I am sure."
I was brought in to see another nurse to take the first pill. I took it quickly incase I changed my mind. "Thank you. That's all we need from you today. Come back tomorrow for the final pill." The nurse said to me.
The journey home was silent. I barely said a word to my boyfriend. "See you tomorrow." I kissed him on the cheek and went through the front door.
The next day...
We were back again at the clinic. It was 1pm and very quiet. The nurse called me in and went through the procedure. I had to have four tablets in my mouth, one in each corner and wait for them to dissolve. To make the process quicker, I drank tea. Sitting in the waiting room waiting for them to dissolve was the hard part. I knew what this was doing to my baby. How could I be so cruel? How could my boyfriend be so cruel? This was ripping me apart.
"I'll read to you while we wait." My boyfriend suggested. I just nodded and let him read to me.
He only read a paragraph until the nurse came out and checked on me. "Alright, you can go now. Take care."
I wave to her and exit the building with my boyfriend. It only took a few steps until the unbearable pain started to come. "Are you okay?"
I could barely answer my boyfriend because the pain was so intense. Since we had to go home by train, I managed to have a nap on there. It felt a lot better until I was woken up again by my boyfriend.
"We're here now. Wake up."
Opening my eyes slowly, I see we've arrived. Walking home felt like a mission. I had my boyfriend there to support me the whole way so it was okay. "Goodbye. I'll see you soon." I hug my boyfriend and step inside the door.
Throughout the summer, the pain just got worse and worse everyday. I had days where I just couldn't get out of bed. That is how bad it was. I've learnt an important lesson. Trust myself and don't let others tell you what to do. Especially your boyfriend. Now I have to live with this for the rest of my life and I will never forget it.

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About This Story
23 Jan, 2013
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4 mins
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