My name is jackson henderson, throughout my years i have been in bad positions. Being asked to do bad things, forced to try other things that don't interest me. I'm not a popular kid walking around with all the jocks and the drama stars, i'm the type you could classify as an unpopular and unwanted junior in high school. Outside of school things wouldn't be much better for me if it wasn't for my girlfriend always getting me through each day. My life started out as a landslide of events, one thing after another no matter what it was something went wrong. When i was 12 i used to always get bullied. No matter the situation, people i didn't even know would sit there and make fun of me because of a haircut i got or just because i was sitting by myself. You would think its funny how easy it was for people to get away with bullying in elementary school, others may laugh at me for getting bullied, especially if they knew it was 2 girls instead of guys! At the time being bullied was a big problem in my life, always showing me the kind of guy i didn't want to grow up to become.
When i look back, all i can remember is when everyone in my life told me; turning 16 was the best feeling in the world. Numerous people would be happy to turn 16 and throw big parties to celebrate 16 years of birth. But that wasn't me, on my 16th birthday all i ever got was messages from others telling me i was no good and that i didn't deserve all that i had, always getting pushed down with no one to help pick me back up. Bullying was a big problem i was surrounded by, i never knew if i would ever get a chance of freedom. It sucked always being the one left out of activities, or being picked last for gym teams. I remember when i was looking for my first job, i was super excited i got the rush of adrenaline going through my body, smile on my face not going anywhere. I felt as if i was able to get my life back together, that was until i showed up for my interview and they told me the spot was already filled. From that day i can only remember walking away feeling empty like i didn't do enough for them to consider me, feeling like they didn't want me.
About a year had passed, it was my 17th birthday. I don’t know what it was but i was feeling great! Motivated to get up and go out, ending up getting a job without trying. Yeah it wasn't much working at cracker barrel for about a month but it still gave me hope that things were going to change for me, to believe i had a seizure my 2nd week of working and got hit with a big bill from the hospital. The feeling of laying there on a gurney without being able to move wasn't really the best feeling in the world. I felt broken, almost like i knew i couldn't get a job again worrying that it would happen to me again. Getting home and in my bed was amazing considering i was forced to be in the hospital for nine and a half hours.
Years have been tough, unforgettable losing someone you love as you have problems of your own. The point in why i wanted to speak about my life was to show there are others out in this world that may be suffering from depression or anxiety; if not both. Some have no clue there is help availble for them, wanting to hurt themselves becasue they feel that is their only way out of their pain. Depression has always been a problem of mine, always feeling like i was given a life i cant use, but knowing i can make a difference for others by using my life.
Author Notes: i would love for those who read this to send me any questions you may have. let me help you in any way possible. depression is all around and it can be cured, if any replies or questions please email me at - [email protected]
United States • 23 years old