United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
As a stand-alone poem this works very well. Regrettably I don't know the work 'Pledge' so cannot relate your poem to it. Chances are that I am not the only person who reads your poem who will have the same problem. It is one of the drawbacks when tying-in your work with something that YOU are familiar with. However, in saying all that, the poem has power and impact, which is to your credit.
A simple message well presented. Good for you :-)
Sincere words from the heart, I'm sure. A little too 'saccharine-sweet' for my taste, though...
I like the upbeat and positive message your short poem offers. Nice work :-)
Okay, it's clear that you have a good vocabulary. What is not so clear is the way you have chosen to exercise it in this confusing puzzle of a poem. The line "To regurgitate hidden lusts of beauty" makes no sense whatsoever! I am all for experimental works, but when it reads like nonsense I have to question the 'why' of it's composition?
Your poetry is somewhat esoteric in style and content. That's fine, to an extent, but if you want your talent to be appreciated your work needs to be accessible to a wider audience. I cannot comment on whether your work is good, bad or indifferent. All I CAN do is comment on MY reaction to and feelings about what I have read.
Whatever message you were trying to get across in this poem completely passed me by. It feels hectoring and 'preachy' and incomplete; rather like you had a partially-formed idea but ran out of steam half-way through.
The problem with this style of writing is that it has very limited 'audience appeal'. There is nothing wrong writing for a niche market, of course, but why limit yourself when you have talent that deserves to be seen by the many rather than the few? Maybe something to think about for future submissions...