United States • 24 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
brevity can be great if you use metaphor. this lacked creativity. keep working on developing a style or voice.
I like how you formatted the poem, but the words didn't invoke anything for me. I didn't feel anything. Take this line for example:
"I burn like ashes"
What does that even mean? Do ashes burn?
A line like "I often think of death" could be made much more visceral, making the reader feel something rather than just read a simple statement.
It was put together well and the structure was very fitting. It's a good poem, it just seems a bit too predictable for me. However, it's good. I found it enjoyable but not necessarily something I personally would remember when put in a list of stories. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I appreciated the minimalism and honesty of the topic. I hope you wrote it to 'wrestle your inner demons' or for transparencies sake, as being sick of this life has become pretty common in this new age of emotionally crippled narcissists and online-trolls.
You could decide for more creative figures of speech, but if you feel it is right, as it is, then keep it that way.
Thanks for sharing. Oh, and I could add that 'I burn to ashes' is one option, still I know that 'Ashes' are a sort of trees. So one could burn like a dried ash... ;-)
First of all it had some spelling mistakes and some sentences that could be fixed but other than that I really liked it. Also that last little end paragraph was a great way to end it. Keep it up.
Poetry is my favorite.