United Kingdom • 47 y/o • MaleReviews Received
What do the two vignettes have to do with each other? Just a little confused, sorry.
What a great piece. I'll be sure to read other pieces of your work.
Thank you for your submission. You are a talented writer.
I loved it!! I really want to hear more! How did the diseasestart? How could he remember loathing strawberries and not his children? What happened to his wife, parents, what did the worms look like?
I really like asking questions. You don't at all have to answer them at all. I'm just a question-er.
Some of the word choices in your story ("CHASMS in your face" - "FONDLING your coarse hair" - "With FLOCKING tears " - "Approaching QUAKE of footsteps") jarred with me. What should have been a memorably poignant piece of writing was spoilt by clumsy and inappropriate word use. Sometime the simplest phrasing is the most meaningful instead of 'overdramatising' with unnecessary descriptions.
Overall though, I liked the piece. A sensitive subject well handled.
It might have helped the story a little if you'd mentioned how the infection began; whether it was an outbreak of a disease or something along those lines. The idea is actually quite good: it needs a little more 'polish' to make it into a very good story.
Nice effort, though. Well done :-)
Not quite sure what to make of either of these vignettes. Both if them could do with expanding in to proper, 100-word micro fiction tales. Alternately they would benefit from further work. As they stand, they are largely pointless I'm afraid... :-(
Smoothly bliss and heatbreaking.