United Kingdom • 47 y/o • MaleReviews Received
Some of the word choices in your story ("CHASMS in your face" - "FONDLING your coarse hair" - "With FLOCKING tears " - "Approaching QUAKE of footsteps") jarred with me. What should have been a memorably poignant piece of writing was spoilt by clumsy and inappropriate word use. Sometime the simplest phrasing is the most meaningful instead of 'overdramatising' with unnecessary descriptions.
Overall though, I liked the piece. A sensitive subject well handled.
What do the two vignettes have to do with each other? Just a little confused, sorry.
Not quite sure what to make of either of these vignettes. Both if them could do with expanding in to proper, 100-word micro fiction tales. Alternately they would benefit from further work. As they stand, they are largely pointless I'm afraid... :-(