United Kingdom • 47 y/o • MaleReviews Received
Not quite sure what to make of either of these vignettes. Both if them could do with expanding in to proper, 100-word micro fiction tales. Alternately they would benefit from further work. As they stand, they are largely pointless I'm afraid... :-(
It might have helped the story a little if you'd mentioned how the infection began; whether it was an outbreak of a disease or something along those lines. The idea is actually quite good: it needs a little more 'polish' to make it into a very good story.
Nice effort, though. Well done :-)
Some of the word choices in your story ("CHASMS in your face" - "FONDLING your coarse hair" - "With FLOCKING tears " - "Approaching QUAKE of footsteps") jarred with me. What should have been a memorably poignant piece of writing was spoilt by clumsy and inappropriate word use. Sometime the simplest phrasing is the most meaningful instead of 'overdramatising' with unnecessary descriptions.
Overall though, I liked the piece. A sensitive subject well handled.
What do the two vignettes have to do with each other? Just a little confused, sorry.
I loved it!! I really want to hear more! How did the diseasestart? How could he remember loathing strawberries and not his children? What happened to his wife, parents, what did the worms look like?
I really like asking questions. You don't at all have to answer them at all. I'm just a question-er.
This was done exquisitely
HOLY CRAP! That was amazing! Just WOW
I really appreciate your use of words and the way you draw comparisons. This story is strong and elaborate in such a short amount of words, it really drew my attention to it. I can tell you have a great imagination as it comes out in your writing. I found this story to be jagged and demanding and colorful. Thanks for sharing