MyRealNameIsAwesome

You've got a decent structure and an interesting subject matter here. What lets you down are unnecessary typos and grammar mistakes.

This is more of a vignette than story, however. I do suggest you read up on the difference, because a lot of writers receive rejection letters because they don't understand this.

You have a lot of potential and I like stories that are based off of a true event, even if some of the facts could be argued. The ideas within the story were good. There were some grammatical errors. I feel like you could add more emotion through the use of your structure and diction that would leave a more intense lasting impression. Your beginning and ending were good- maybe try using different writing techniques and details throughout the whole story that would really make it great. Overall, good story.