United States • 25 y/o • MaleReviews Received
The story was a good one. The way the writer described the story, I felt that he's been through something similar. The pain, the hurt in the story was showcased veery well but the reader gets confused in the middle in few parts.. few parts of the story might have been more clearer. Otherwise it was a nice story. Well done.
This is nice I like the way you are great in thinking
I can sympathise. Its especially hard in a lockdown as there's no work/school/university to take our minds off things.
There are so many issues in the news its impossible for one person to tackle them all. If you can't fix everything don't be hard on yourself.
Yet ANOTHER tiresome and boring story on the subject of teen suicide. This topic has been (if you'll excuse the pun!) done to death already. Sure, it's a slightly different slant on the genre, but it's still a teen suicide story.
You can write, no doubt about that. PLEASE try something that hasn't already been done a thousand times before next time?
A story with a ring of truth about it, perhaps. I think your pen name on this site says a lot about how you view yourself as a person.
Good Luck,
Mike.
This was a great mixture of love and sadness. It made me emotional. Love your stuff keep writing.
I really liked the description and the structure, but sometimes the story was hard to follow. I had to read the story three times and to use Google Translate in order to find out who is in the coffin: the daughter of the main character. I got mixed up in paragraph 6 that the main character's sister was in the coffin, too. However, the deep emotional experience of the main character was described so vivid that I recalled the death of my family. All in all, the story was okay. To improve it furthermore, I recommend the author to give a general description or a general narration of the situation which the main character is facing.
If someone else can follow the story like a flowing water, then it is because I am a beginner in English, sorry.
I find poems like this a little annoying. Whilst I appreciate that you are expressing yourself I am not so sure it is suitable for 'mass consumption'. I am not ignorant of the effects of depression having been a sufferer for most of my life. However, I never felt the need to harm myself nor to share my pain in such a graphic and public manner.
Is this a good poem? I don't know. Being honest, I don't really care either, which is a pity as you are a good writer and have produced better work than this.