United Kingdom • 84 y/oReviews Received
awesome
The only outstanding aspects of this piece are the author's vivid imagination in telling this story and his effortless ability in creating strong settings thus evoking mood and atmosphere. I felt as if I were there witnessing this tale unfold. The style of this author's expression perfectly captures the tone of this story.
In the beginning of this tale I had difficulty in figuring out the connection between the various characters which required a second reading for clarification. Clarification with more detail will assist the reading in recognizing and sailing through this part of the tale.
I did find the lack of paragraph separation distracting and I wondered why the author had not taken care of this simple fask.
The pace was good and held my interest - I wanted to see what was going to happened. I was surprised and disappointed when the end came. The ending was a let down. An opportunity for a great and gripping finale was overlooked for some reason.
Taking all aspects of this author's brilliant storytelling ability, the lack of proper text structure. and the ending which missed the mark, I'm allowing three stars for this piece with the hope that a sincere rewrite will polish this jewel to the status it deserves.
Ciao
JT
To some extent I agree with Pietroshek's review. The presentation of your work is very annoying to read, what with all the silly and unnecessary dots... In addition your poor punctuation is jarring and the shortness of the various chapters you have thus far submitted make the whole exercise somewhat of a trial.
I suggest that you look again at your submissions - and look again at the site's submission guidelines - and decide whether they are presented as the BEST you can do. Re-editing and resubmitting as one or two longer pieces would possibly be a better option. There are other areas you can also improve upon with a little care and attention to detail.
With the fuss which was made about my stories, format, punctuation, and readability I was pretty surprised that other authors are not checked at all.
'The dimming of the light' makes it harder to read, as it does not separate the story text from dialogues, and I don't wish to read 30 more parts presented that way.
Contextually the chapter is too short, as it barely gives me a scene and plot to imagine before it ends. The trick is to make the readers want to read more, not to declare a single page a chapter.
As I did not voluntarily review this I give 4 stars anyway.
Thanks for sharing.