Australia • 26 y/oReviews Received
LOVE!! And that's great about the grades!! I hope everything is great in the future! Can't wait to hear more! Amazing detail!
I think it's great. There are a few things you could work on, but I think that it was amazing! Really brought tears to my eyes and made me stop and think. Thanks for sharing!
Rhythmic and sweet. I do like it.
There is a good story here fighting to get out. Unfortunately you have burdened it with some clumsy phraseology, poor grammar and spelling. This is a story that needed some judicious editing before it was submitted for publication. Do keep writing, but take more care with the words you use and the way in which you use them. You have talent, but it needs careful honing to bring it to its full potential.
"The way your smile can protrude any boulder."
Up to this line your poem was quite entertaining and interesting. This line, though, kills it completely. It's meaningless and silly...
An 'unwritten rule' of writing, especially poetry, is that if you have to 'force' the line to come, it probably isn't going to work. This appears to be the case here. However, the rest of the poem works well, which saves it from being a disaster :-)