United Kingdom • 54 y/oReviews Received
I almost gave up on this one at the start due to the (wholly unnecessary) repetition of the words 'The List' in bold letters. Once or twice would have made the point far more effectively than the Five times you used it...
However, I rad on and found myself amused. As a committed dog-lover I was easily able to imagine the scenario you draw, having also been confounded by tin cans that would not easily open!
A good, comic piece that would benefit from one or two minor tweaks to make it wonderful. Good work!
There is something quite soulless about this piece. I read it through twice and found myself somewhat distanced from it; disengaged, even. I think the problem is the 'coldness' in which it is written (understandably given the subject matter) is perhaps too cold and remote. The style does not invite the reader to engage emotionally with the work.
Your writing is usually very entertaining. For me, this one did not work as well as some of your other stories.
Your mixture of classic-like phraseology and contemporary modes of speech makes this piece, at times, awkward to read. It feels almost 'jokey' in places, which I'm sure was not what you intended. You do write well, but the inconsistency in your writing 'voice' undermines what you produce.
This IS a good story.
Nice! Reminds me of an X Files episode, but different, nonetheless. I was worried it would be the same, but it wasn't, so I like your originality.
That's awesome with a subtle dark twist lol :) well inked indeed
You have the most wonderful imagination and the writing skills to translate it into fabulous stories that entertain both kids and adults alike (think AA Milne, CS Lewis, JK Rowling). That's a rare talent and one you should be very proud of. I suspect that you could go on to be a successful author given the right breaks and a little good fortune...
In the meantime, SS101 is lucky to have you. Glad to have you here with us :-)
It was a really good story.I really loved it.Please write more stories.
Neat story!
You could expand upon it ... show us a little more of Timmy's world before he first talks to the bugs, and maybe share a couple of other bug conversations. It's an imaginative story and so why not run with that a bit further?
Thanks for contributing to shortstories101. Well done!