It's very hard to pull off something of this style - all the perspective changes, time jumping, mediums etc. I think you did really well! Especially as a short story, it can be a challenge to compact so many ideas into such a... scale.
Hi there! I just wanted to say, regardless of whether you continue this story (and I haven't yet checked, but I will), this piece is beautiful and I love your characterisation of the dark. Word choice is perfect also!