Thomas Ray

You describe Zaire's feelings and the setting very well. This raises a lot of questions about the characters and their culture, but if you're planning on developing it furthet that's good. Keep writing.

I really like the way this story begins. The first paragraph about tragedies has good rhetoric and I find it very interesting.

Just wow!
It's good to understand the whole situation from everyone's point of view before coming to a conclusion but I think it was more like a theory explaining the reason behind all the chaos of the world.
Anyway, it's great.

1) That was written well, nothing grammatically wrong as far as i can tell.
2) I can completely relate to this story
Good story keep writing!


3) I sort of noticed this while reading but, add a c to Iares to get Icares which describes that friend and switch the k in miko to an n for mino which describes that friend.
Just something i noticed.

You write better than some men twice yoir age. You blend vivid descriptions and plausible relationships.