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10 Things Not To Do

10 Things Not To Do

By robertmoons

Ten things not to do
By Robert G. Moons

1. Don't leave a hunting knife on top of a car's airbag.

2. Don't leave a pan filled with battery acid on top of a car's airbag.

3. Don't leave anything on top of a car's airbag unless it's a coconut cream pie; Coconut cream pies are airbag friendly.

4. Don't stare at a woman's nipples in the frozen food section of the grocery store.

5. Don't stare at a man's nipples in the frozen food section of the grocery store.

6. Don't make balloon animals with condoms before using them.

7. Don't make balloon animals with condoms in front of that special lady unless you weren't planning on having sex.

8. Don't make balloon animals with condoms after their use, but if you do, do not pop them alone, with your girlfriend present, or at a social gathering of any kind. And if you absolutely must do this, wear goggles and keep your mouth closed.

9. Don't fill empty containers with a different product than is marked on the container. Examples: Tabasco sauce in an eye dropper bottle; Tabasco sauce in a jar of hemorrhoid cream; Birth control pills in a bottle of Viagra.

10. At a nudist colony, never look down at the ground when being introduced to women; they might think you have a foot fetish. Act normal and stare directly at their breasts. If you do have a foot fetish, pretend you're admiring your own penis, then sneak a peek at their feet. If the woman asks what you are doing, make small talk by asking her if she thinks you should shave down there to achieve a more even tan.


Copyright 2013 Robert G Moons

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robertmoons
robertmoons
About This Story
Audience:
18+
Posted:
15 Aug, 2013
Genre:
Comedy
Type:
Funny
Words:
278
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Views:
4,735

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