Death is a loss but it somehow dropped me on the map to find myself. Most of us go about our whole life without really finding that one person who resides permanently inside Of us. We go our whole life in search of one or the other things and We, as humans, are never satisfied. We look for security in materialistic things and in people whom we go on to call as our own but does each one of us gets as lucky as Chandler Bing from the phenomenal sitcom of all times or as Carrie Bradshaw from the TV series Sex and the city. Do we succeed in finding our Samantha who would tell us 'We are as fucked up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind' or the Joey who would understand us even with our mouthful. The answer is No, no we don't end up landing that unconditional someone or that perfect walk in shoe closet.
So yes I don't stand out either. If we look closely, we will discover that life of each one of us is nothing but series of moments and events linked in one. And we move through it all. I did too. I ran through it all collecting minutes as possession of my memory and people to call them as mine. I was so full of it all that I became completely ignorant of the things, actions and plans which hold more importance. My life went smoothly until the minute my mother breathed her last infront of my eye leaving me helpless and incapable of doing anything to make it all stop. And since then my life hasn't been the same.
I'm no more that girl who believed in holding on and collecting memories and people. I found myself alone, heart broken devoid of smiles and laughter. When it's 3am and I'm covered in tears, I find hugging myself and breaking down completely. Maybe it's the grief talking but in between wiping my own tears and consoling my heart and mind , I ran into the girl who lives inside of me. And to my utmost surprise , she is very resilient, bright , strong , brave and smart. I learned that the girl in me is unbelievably ambitious and has a voice which can bring the crowd to halt. I found me.
Now i see things in more practical light and try to move in that direction. The girl in me has finally understood how to keep the naive dreamy world under cover, and how not to give in the desire of knowing how love might feel like or how the almost perfect friendships just like the ones from F.R.I.E.N.D.S will help me grow. I'm 25 going on 50. My mind has aged taking my heart along. And for whatever it's worth , every thing has filled me with colours of certain minutes of peace , hour of calmness with few minutes of smiles every now and then. It feels as though I've grown up just the way it was meant to be. Thank God for it because from now onwards I can only rise and move ahead as I got to see the bottom and the rear back so early in life which perhaps is a good thing.
I don't have much merry things , so guess whatever happens now and whoever comes to stay with me, as I go through it all slaying my demons, will become the constant of the life of my post mid 20 crisis.
Author Notes: Invest in yourself to get the return your heart so desires.