November 13th 2020
Once upon a highschool daydream, my mom and my dad thought it would be a good idea to play leapfrog in bed and "POP" then came me. My dad ran off after about 5 years to go do drugs but that doesn't bother me. I never needed him anyway, I have my mom. Make no mistake, even though I'm a boy I still grew up paying attention to small girly things because my mom would always send me to grandmas house where my cousins who were both girls would also spend a lot of their time and when they weren't there I would play with their barbies. (If you judge me and I find out, I will STOMP YOUR KNEECAPS BACKWARDS) Anywho lets time skip by a few years. My mom met another guy and they moved into this creepy duplex. For those of you that don't know what a duplex is, it's two houses squished together. I never liked that house, I swear it was haunted. But anyway, I was everyone's least favourite demon child all through elementary. And I'm not exaggerating that, I literally ran in and out of the building and flushed the class pet down the toilet as well as stealing all the candy from behind the teacher's desk and biting the other kids. Then suddenly we moved again. This time it was different. I suddenly became aware that I've never had friends and it started bothering me. It bothered me for a long time. But at the same time, it's not like I ever needed friends to begin with. But I had video games so who cares right?
I still don't have any legitimate friends in real life and maybe I never will. The closest people to me are some complete strangers I met on the internet. For all I know, my digital girlfriend is a 58-year-old obese white guy that lives in his friend's basement and takes pictures of his friends kids to pretend to be someone else. But even then I wouldn't care, at this point, I'll accept kind words from anyone. I've never opened up to anyone, I'm scared. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I'm just afraid of being hurt for real. I've never been hurt by the words or actions of people who don't know who I really am. If they don't know me personally then I don't take it personally. So what if I'm hated by everyone around me? Having people acknowledge your existence is a wonderful thing. I suffer from untreated depression. But I don't care. It hasn't killed me yet. I'm happy for the time being. Everything in my life at home is perfect. I know God loves me at arbitrary intervals because the only time I ever prayed to him for something I actually ended up receiving it. My mom got pregnant and I asked for a baby sister and what do you know, here she is. She's just like me in a lot of ways, namely the "demon child" part. She's a destructive little turd that constantly jokes about murder and torture. Sometimes I'm afraid of my life being "too perfect." Nothing majorly wrong has ever happened. I've always lied to entertain the strangers that talk to me every day and it's been working so far. If I ever do find true love I hope it takes me as far away from home as possible. I want to forget everything about this plain, old, boring, uneventful life. I want to go places and do things but I need a job first.
I've never been the working kind of person. Everything is either partly done for me or I just take the idea's from other people and put different methods together without doing it myself through what some people call "trial and error." A lot of people try to say the world will get better. But I know better than that. I would have killed myself before today if I didn't meet my digital girlfriend but would anyone notice? It's not like one person can change the world. I can prove that the world will always be corrupted by using some psychological analysis of my own. Free will defies the principles of "the law" and the law defies the principles of free will. So logically, the only way to ensure world peace is by eliminating one of the two. Now here's where the source of all human conflict begins and ends. No human society will ever think it is morally correct to eliminate free will because the whole the entire world is raised to believe that free will is a God-given right. And there's no way in hell they would eliminate the law because it would legalize mass murder and rape. Therefore both of these concepts will always exist and collide in perpetual and persistent combat with no outcome whatsoever. A simpler form of this is when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Both become stuck in place and cease to make progress.
But that's a boring subject because it isn't me. I'm supposed to be the reason you're reading this. A little more about me? I'm not sure what else to add really. my mind is coming to a close.
April 6th 2021
I'm getting better and opening up to people now. Whoo hoo-_-.
8/23/2021
I've become an officer in an online gaming community, message me for more details. Also, I've decided on becoming a therapist, so whoo hoo. I now have plans for the future.
12/6/2021
MY BRAIN IS A JIGSAW PUZZLE AND MY FEELINGS ARE THE PEICES!
5/13/2022
Fuck being a therapist. I'm dropping outa highschool to get into an alternate program that will pay me and move me closer to my gf. This is official and I won't be changing my mind.
Author Notes: Ask me whatever you want and I'll answer.
Give me a review that says this is hard to read and makes little sense I'll simply tell you that's because my life is hard to read and makes little sense.
I will edit this moderately
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