The tender kiss on my forehead reassured me that everything was going to be okay, but my paranoid nerves weren’t so sure. The haze of rain outside seemed to resemble my slow and still senses of what was going on, what was truly happening to me, as blood, sweat, and tears, all came into one at this moment. The doors of the burned down building opened. And as the grip around my hand tightened,
My world psychologically went into slow motion. The first sight of the body appeared as I heard a whisper in my ear. “Whatever happens-“he paused, stuttered, and his breathing went heavy “I Love You”. The body was in full view now. A white blanket of pure sorrow placed over the corpse brought tears to my eyes as, one after another, they quickly trickled down my already wet cheeks. The slow smoke from my mouth quickened to a fast beating pace. As my world stopped, the grip around my hand was forcefully released. I reached out, grabbed the door handle and whimpered. Then I cried. Then I screamed.
I jumped out of the car and ran as fast as I could, nothing but Air, nothing but me. Past the bystanders, past the police telling me to halt, nothing, and no one of authority mattered at this moment. My life was over. Over before it even began and had a chance to end. But I wasn’t running fast enough. My legs were enduring forceful pain as I slipped and tripped over the dewy asphalt. But it didn’t matter, nothing mattered anymore. Everything was gone. My support, my past, my best friend, all GONE! I Ran into the gurney, my face landing on the stomach of the corpse…The lifeless corpse. The screaming of authority coming closer faded away as my hands trembled violently, revealing the face of the body…his body. The mask of hope was pushed back, crumbling to the ground, mocking me with memories of false reliance. And as the dam inside me broke, my voice, blood, tears, and mind all went irrationally psychotic. I was no longer in control of my own actions; I was no longer in control of this body trembling in my skin, This body screaming and wailing out, gasping for reassurance that this was a lie. The truth was I was no longer me.
I was no longer Natalie.
My voice started out Hushed and still, nothing but breathless whimpers and occasional silent prayers. Then my mouth opened up, revealing curses and anger, vocally loud and trembling. Suddenly, the pain inside me escaped no longer captive inside its cage deep in my heart. I screamed out “DADDY!” Instantly, as if the word triggered the speed of light, everything accelerated. The police and fireman grabbed my arms, yanking me back, swearing that if I didn’t leave now I would die, my boyfriend right behind them. Die? How can you die when you’re already dead inside, what is life without the breath of happiness and hope each day? Currently, Death was a sanctuary to me. They yelled at me a forest of phrases “You have to go” “you can’t be here” and even “it’s dangerous” But I didn’t listen. My father always told me my stubbornness would get in the way of my future some day.
“Ma’am please you-“I interrupted the officer abruptly. I didn’t know if it was the fact I didn’t care what he had to say, or if it was just my soul escaping my lips, but either way I began screaming. “NO, NO, NO! THIS CAN’T BE! YOU CAN’T GO LIKE THIS! YOU PROMISED TOGETHER FOREVER! FOREVER! YOU LIAR! YOU LIAR! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!” I began carelessly sobbing as my legs became numb and limp. Alex wrapped his arms around me, and I fell to the ground, Rain splashing and soaking my legs. Alex hummed to me, his voice throbbing with tears. He cradled me, and cried out “I’m so…Sorry” He began whimpering and weeping right along with me. He kissed my forehead gently, over and over again, as if I were made of glass, but His grip around my stomach said otherwise. My mind began to slur, the voices all around me began hushing and all I could hear was the pitter patter of rain water, but this was no time for peace. Peace was no longer existent.
“THE BUILDINGS GOING TO BLOW!” someone shouted behind me. And just like that, a carless phrase of words, everyone scattered like cockroaches under a light. They all fled. But I didn’t move a muscle, not a single one. Alex was tugging on me, pulling my ribs upwards, so hard it hurt, begging me to move. Even the police and fireman ran, taking my father with them, but I wasn’t going anywhere. “NATALIE PLEASE, DON’T DO THIS! WE CAN START OVER! TOGETHER! GET UP PLEASE! I LOVE YOU” Alex promised. But still, I didn’t care. The truth was, if my father died here, then I would too, we were going to see each other soon, be arm and arm, entwined together. He would smile at me, his Crooked, brown smokers smile, and I would giggle, happily, as I would forever be. The People continued to scatter farther and farther away. Even Alex forcibly fled by authorities Commanding grip. It was official, I was all alone here to die, wet, lost, and forgotten
I remembered it all too well. I remember hearing the breaking of glass and concrete, the sound of cockroaches screaming, and the smell of hot sulfur in my dripping nose. But I never got to feel the flames. Feel the flames on my paper skin, feel the flames bring me closer to my father, closer to happiness. The only thing I felt, was the chunk of concrete hit the back of my head as someone grabbed me, and I blacked out. Now here we were. Through all the therapy, through all the lies, forgetfulness, tears, pain, hospitals, drugs, and, unfortunately, my new acclaimed blindness that took over my body.
Alex and I sat at the table closest to the exotic fish tank, where the smell of garlic and seafood, greeted my nose. A smell I knew all too well. “y-you remember when we had our first date here? And that waiter kept hitting on me. You were so jealous” he paused to chuckle “I never understood why you were so envious really, even though you’re so cute when you are. So secretly I guess I liked It.” he was silent for a moment, and I could practically feel his sorrowful gaze glued to me.” Natalie, your all I’ve ever wanted”. But I didn’t answer.
The fact that he stayed with me thorough out my accident dumbfounded me, and my current emotional status. I began feeling truly closer to him, but even with my strong since of intimacy, with every touch every knowing glance, I shivered and jumped. Why? I had no idea. I trusted this man with my life didn’t I? I trusted him with my soul…Shouldn’t I? He was the one who never left me. He was the one who was always by my side with a smile, love, and a kiss whenever I truly needed it. Instantly out of a sudden loss of trust I felt warm skin to my beating finger tips, they caressed his face, his eyes, his hair, his lips. A sting of salt dripped onto my stuttering tongue as a grip to my hand, where it fit perfectly. “I love you” vowed the voice of my future “trust me”. He kissed my hand.