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An Outlook

An Outlook

By Andraaknas - 2 Reviews

Smile for the cameras,

they say, not knowing the

extreme amount of willpower

I have to muster up just to

smile.

Gunshots trigger me, unsurprisingly.

I do not believe that I can bring

something back that I lost.

I cannot go rip their bodies out of the ground

or put them back together with their ashes.

Looking into my eyes and telling

me everything will be okay does nothing,

since I know everything won’t be okay.

Admitting I am toxic does nothing,

since I know I am basically made of

cyanide and hydrochloric acid, of

dangerous emotions and personalities.

My blood is running cold, skin pale,

looking into you with my empty eyes,

telling you I am doing what I was made

to do by my own peers.

Wars in the streets, motivated purely by

money and politics, do nothing to me

when they pop up on my newsfeed.

Shootings make me hate humanity

more and more, since I feel the people

who lost their family members, knowing

they feel like the body count is their fault,

that it’s their fault that their friends and family

are dead.

I have no more thoughts in my head,

no more prayers, no more things to say.

The silence of the people responsible for

acts of aggression is heard in volumes.

People who get fucked up just to hurt others

are monsters, the people who get fucked up

for the pure escape from life are monsters,

I am a monster, you are a monster, we are

all monsters.

If I died today, or any other day, would

it make a difference?

I stay alive because I want to find a cure

for my depression, my insanity, I stay alive

so I can erase the demons in my head, the

demons I call the “family in my brain”.

I stay alive so I can end the alcoholism that

racks my body almost every night.

Suicide is not the answer to my problems.

I am weak, but not weak enough to cause more

pain for others.

A rebirth is what I need, a change from the

constant screaming in my head.

But that isn’t coming anytime soon.

An outlook is all I can do,

so I admit I have a problem,

that society has a problem.

I look at the mountains of Colorado

and wish I was living there, away

from a city, in silence.

So I can look at society and pop

the cork on a bottle of booze,

reflecting, thinking, acting

on my words finally.

Author Notes: sorry for the lack of uploads, i'm trying my hardest here

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About The Author
Andraaknas
Andraaknas
About This Story
Audience
15+
Posted
15 Nov, 2019
Words
422
Read Time
2 mins
Favorites
1 (View)
Recommend's
0
Rating
4.5 (2 reviews)
Views
411

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