Ana

As a kid I used to love the biggest pancakes
The biggest slice of cake
The most syrup

Now as a teen the smells waft to me
I can only think of numbers
Never of the happiness I used to have

This voice in my head became my best friend
Until all I could hear was her
Until all I could breathe,eat,drink,and smell was her
Until I started drowning in numbers and body image I didn't understand

With her in my head guiding me
Praising me when I lost eight pounds in less than a week
Controlling everything I do
Making me excersise til I pass out
Making ice my favorite meal of the day

I'm tired but she pushes me
I smile and act fine with people around me
Marks litter my body and cuts scatter my skin

I'll never love me and I'll never be whole again

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