Self-harm is like a drug, do it once, do it again, it never stops. I’ve been doing that since both my parents died in a car accident a few years back. Cuts have become scars, only to be reopened. It never stopped, until one day, I caught sight of the love of my life.
He was my childhood friend, who moved away in middle school due to his father’s work requirements. However, when I met him and his mother at the supermarket, I knew he was back. After an exchange of words with them, I found myself returning home for a change of clothes and heading over to their house for dinner. I tried to act normal, but I was helplessly put under his spell. I just cannot ignore his face, together with his sparkling eyes. Just then, his cat brushed against my arm, and the sense of pain jolted me back to reality. It hurts. A lot. But I couldn’t let him know about my dark side. Who knows what he’ll think of me?
I winced and then turned my back against him. Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I jumped and turned around, meeting his face full of concern.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Does your arm hurt?”
He reached for my arm, but I hit his hand away. Looking confused, he rubbed his hand as I assured him.
“It’s ok, nothing much.”
My mind literally went blank, as I could only recall me repeatedly telling myself that he must not see my arm, and know of my habits. I was so tired that night, woke up in a daze, and rushed to school only to realise it was a Sunday.
“Guess the lack of sleep has taken its toll on me,” I muttered as I trotted back home. I tripped, I fell, not onto the hard ground, but onto someone’s chest. Looking up, I found a very familiar pair of sparkling eyes staring at me.
“Are you ok?” He asked, as he took hold of my arms and tried to pull me to my feet. Ouch, that really did hurt! His big hands were pressing so heavily on my scars, it felt like it was being torn apart. Trying my best not to wince, I stood up and muttered a word of thanks before running off with mixed emotions, containing happiness and nervousness. As soon as I made sure he was out of my sight, I rolled up my sleeves and wiped my forehead, realising how much cold sweat broke out just now. Some of my scars were bleeding, and the blood mixed with sweat was trickling down my arm, making my scars sting.
“Maybe I should just tell him the truth. I can’t keep this act up anymore.” The angel in my heart was one step closer to winning, but the devil would not give up.
After a few sleepless nights, I fell sick. I was down with a bad fever. After realising that I had run out of medicine, I reluctantly dialled him and requested for him to bring me some medicine and some cough syrup. Putting down the phone, I tucked myself in on the couch and drifted away to sleep.
Feeling a tingling sensation in my hand, I opened my eyes a little and found him sitting next to me, applying disinfectant on my arms and plastering them up. Then I realised that I was on my bed and not the couch.
“Yeah, I was a little shocked. Surprised, if you would put it that way. I didn’t know you self-harmed.”
“He found out. He found out…” I kept thinking to myself as I looked at him, thinking about all the bad things that would happen from then on.
“But I would not leave you. I will protect you from now on, I’ll stay by your side forever if it means that you’ll be a little more cheerful and optimistic.”
“I’m not running away from you, I never will. I will stand by you no matter what. I love you, and even if it’s just one-sided, I’ll still stand by you, until the end of time.”
Listening to his voice, I realised that not everyone was as evil as I thought. Being ostracised in middle school for having no parents, and bullied in high school for the scars, I held the belief that the world was just a rotten place that only allowed “normal” people to live in. When I met him in my last year of middle school, he was the only one who would go near me, be friends with me, and comfort me when I was down. He was the reason why I had the strength to move on this far. And I slowly found myself falling for him…
“Hey, I just want to put one thing straight. I love you. I appreciated your support for me, both then and now. Thank you for staying by my side when everyone else took a step back. Thank you for laughing with me when everyone else simply shut me out. Thank you for not running away from me even when you’ve seen the real me. Thank you for everything. And I love you.”
Sealing up the letter in an envelope, I put it in his mailbox secretly.
5 years later, I got married. Even though I ended up with someone else, and all my scars have disappeared, I am still unable to forget all those things you’ve done for me.
Thank you for the wonderful memories you left me with, thank you for 3 whole years of your time, and I wish for you to find happiness like me. Stay strong.
Author Notes: I have gotten into writing these kinds of stories lately
Hope you guys enjoy this!!
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Singapore • 21 years old