At the Graveyard Reviews
The opening was really cool... it actually draw my attention. I love the story and there meeting and stuff. I feel that u should write in more description that will make it more interesting and it will definitely draws more attention.
It creates a scene in the reader's mind.
Yes, I agree with @IanG... punctuation was an issue and there were some spelling mistakes also.
Overall, I have to say, you are great, dude! Keep it up!
XOXO,
Sansid
The opening is good, it draws the reader in. The basic premise is promising.
You made a few mistakes with punctuation, there should be more commas and capital letters in some places. 'Its all right Emma, I'll come and get you' is one example; comma after Emma. One or two names start with lower case letters. Deal with that and this will be better still.
