AUDREY’S NEW LIFE

DATE: 04/10/2017

TITLE: NEW LIFE

ENTRY: 1

I set foot into the Moore family home a few days ago. Three to be exact. They were pretty welcoming, enough for people who feel they need to be nice to the person who’ll be serving them for who knows how long. I was so lost at first. Confused. I couldn’t put together why only women were losing their jobs, and why our bank accounts were closing. But once we were rushed into this new society, and I learned about what was going on, the anger came over me. Why did a small group of men suddenly get to decide what was best for our society? It feels like we’ve gone back 100 years in time. I just don’t understand it, but I guess this question will have to be left unanswered for now. I am grateful for one thing though. As a Martha in this new society, I get to continue cooking, but instead of being a Saute chef at the Boston Harbor hotel, I am making meals for the Moore family and their handmaid Ofpreston. It’s not as glamorous but it definitely could be worse.

DATE: 04/12/2017

TITLE: SECRET

ENTRY: 2

I have been keeping a secret. A secret that could get me hung on the infamous wall if anyone found out. It’s been the most painful experience to hide this secret, but I have to keep it. I can’t even say anything that would give a clue as to what the secret is while I'm in the house. If Commander Preston or his wife, Paula, found out I’m done for. But it’s hard to hold this secret inside when I look at Ofpreston. Her eyes glimmer when they peer into the beaming sunlight. Her red dress sways with every step that she takes. And her lips. I could talk about her lips forever, but I’ll stop myself before I get too carried away. But with the way that she looks? How can I just stop my attraction for her from simmering? If the whole world finds out that I’m bisexual, it would be my worst nightmare, but maybe it’s worth living if I could go on just one date with Ofpreston.

DATE: 4/19/2017

TITLE: SALSA

ENTRY: 3

Ofpreston and I have started talking and it’s been the best thing ever and the only thing that’s been keeping me sane this past week, besides cooking of course. Although, it’d be nice to cook more than just loaves of bread every now and then. The number of houses I would paint with nail polish just to get back to cheffing up savory grappa marinated buffalo wings with a side of crisp salt and pepper seasoned potato chips back at the Boston Harbor Hotel. The number of houses would be countless. I digress, at least I have Ofpreston. She brings me a sense of normalcy that I so desperately needed in this godforsaken, corrupted patriarch of a town. She has so much elegance and grace. The swaying of her dress never ceases to catch my gaze. It reminds me of all the visitors back at the hotel. After dinner a lot of the couples would go dancing at the events we would host. Salsa night, Boogie Fever, Ballroom Dance with Your Grooms, and Prance! I loved those events. Hearing the click-clack of the women's high heels as they strutted onto the dance floor and watching the men as they straightened up their bow ties while practicing their little one-two steps in the mirror. I would kill to see Ofpreston on that dance floor. With the way that she can naturally get her dress to swirl as smooth as ice cream, there’s no doubt she can groove. I would kill to do the Salsa with her. She’s the only person that has given me the slightest desire to walk two steps in heels. But for now, just talking to her is nice.

DATE: 05/11/2017

TITLE: OUTTING

ENTRY: 4

After serving breakfast, and hanging out with Ofpreston in her room for a few weeks, we decided we want to go out. Yes, go out. Outside where civilization is. Where they can spot us and report us to one of the Aunts or Commanders. Or even an Eye. But life’s too short to be worried about that, right? For all I know, Ofpreston could be an eye! Now that I’m thinking about it and actively writing this down, this might not be the best idea. Well, I already knew it wasn’t the best. It wasn’t planned out too far ahead or thought out thoroughly. We just planned on taking a walk down to the store together and buying more ingredients for the infinite amount of bread loaves I’ll be making for the next week. Ugh. Just writing it down wears me out. Anyway, maybe I should dress up as a handmaid? Like, wear a red dress and white headgear? I mean, I could at least try to blend in, maybe this way there’s less chance of getting caught. Shouldn’t Ofpreston let her partner know that I’ll be accompanying her on this trip to the store? But what if her partner is an eye? Ofpreston also informed me of an underground rebellion that’s going on…what if her partner is working for them? That could reward us all with a free ticket off to the colonies. Ok, maybe I’m thinking too much. Yes, yes that’s exactly what I’m doing. I need to get out of my own head before I dig myself too deep down a rabbit hole of my erosive thoughts and eat myself alive. I’m going out with Ofpreston. I have been looking forward to this for weeks. It’s time to enjoy myself a little bit.

DATE: 05/18/2017

TITLE: FEELINGS

ENTRY: 5

The success of last week’s grocery trip with Ofpreston has led to bidaily trips! The elation in my body could inhale five dozen packs of latex balloons, and this is all due to Ofpreston. She’s made this town not so intolerable which I thought was impossible to do, but Ofpreston is always breaking down barriers. Figuratively speaking. But literally gauged a hole in barbed wire so that we could take the back way to the store. That was a couple of trips ago, but we’ve been going that way ever since. It has brought me a little relief since I’ve been getting the feeling that someone has been watching us. Of course, I’ve had this feeling ever since the first grocery store trip, but that feeling has never gone away. Actually, it feels like it has only intensified over these weeks. But my attraction for Ofpreston has intensified as well, and that feeling has overpowered all of the negative ones. This is why I’m going to continue to go on these shopping trips. It’s easier to pick out the ingredients for the bread loaves myself anyways.

DATE: 05/27/2017

TITLE: THRILL

ENTRY: 6

We haven’t taken any trips to the grocery store in a couple of days. One because Ofpreston has gone off to support one of the Handmaids through birth and two because Commander Preston wants me to clean the whole house. I can’t be mad at that. I mean it is my job to cook and clean. I guess I’d rather be here than on the birth mobile. Or hung on the wall. Or outside where an eye could spot us. I did like the thrill of it though. Running around the backways of Gilead with Ofpreston. I always look forward to these trips because they've been the only thing that has brought any excitement to this town. Well, I should get back to cleaning now.

DATE: 06/04/2017

TITLE: GONE

ENTRY: 6

I haven’t seen Ofpreston in awhile. I’ve been in the kitchen prepping meals for the past couple of days and still tidying up the house. But even as I’d casually walked past her room and tried to find something to clean around there (I’ve been incessantly cleaning her room and around there just so I could have an excuse to be near her again) I haven’t seen her. I’m starting to get really concerned. Where could she be? It’s been about a week! There’s no way a birth can last this long. Right? It’s not like I would know considering I’m infertile. But still. There’s no reason as to why she would be gone this long. Is she avoiding me? I have a huge pit in my stomach just thinking about that being the reason that she’s been M.I.A. But could that be it? Or maybe it’s something worse. Maybe she went to Jezebel’s to find someone else to go on trips with her. I don’t know how she could’ve gotten in there, but she seems to know all the back ways around Gilead so it shouldn’t be ruled out as a possibility. Or maybe she’s joined the underground rebellion and has already made her way to Canada? Well if that’s the case then I need to stop being a basket case and get over myself. All I know is that she’s gone and that neither the Commander nor his wife have even bat an eye. Are they behind this? Do they know where she is? Are they the reason that she’s gone?

DATE: 06/05/2017

TITLE: BUTTER

ENTRY: 7

I was eager to see if Ofpreston was back today, so I cooked a really nice breakfast for her. I even slipped in a ½ stick of butter for her to use as a lotion. I didn’t even know that the handmaids weren’t allowed to moisturize themselves. When Ofpreston told me about this through one of our many conversations, I started adding butter to her breakfasts. But when I went into her room, she wasn't there. There was a woman in a red dress, sitting on the bed, but it wasn’t Ofpreston. Well, when I asked her she claimed that she was Ofpreston. That may be her name but she wasn't MY Ofpreston. I don’t even know how to feel. I can’t comprehend what’s going on. I’m so flustered there are tears dropping on this page as I’m writing. I can’t handle this. I’m going to look for her.

DATE: 06/05/2017

TITLE: FATE

ENTRY: 8

I guess this is the end of my life here as a Martha in Gilead. As I was walking out of the house to find Ofpreston, Commander Preston and Paula were sitting at the kitchen table. Two other men in all black were sitting at the table too. No one said a word. They just glared at me. Then finally the two men got up and I moved over so they could make a smooth exit out of the house, but as I tried to move over they grabbed my arms so tight it felt like blood pressure cuffs clasping my triceps. I didn’t even attempt to release their grip. They took me outside and shoved me into a black van and that’s basically everything that happened that led up until now. I’m not even sure what the worst part of all of this even was. Knowing that I’ll never see my Ofpreston again. Or that the Commander nor the wife tried to stop the men from taking me away. Or that I don’t know what my own fate is right now.

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