Back in Time.

Back in Time

By: Lilli Lovell

If you could go back in time, when would you go back to? If you were to go back in time, would it be to a time that would make you happy? Everyone wishes that they would be able to go back in time to try and prevent an event from happening, to relive a certain memory, or to remember a time when you were truly happy. I know where I would go back in time to. But would I want to live it all over again? That is the question I must figure out.

If I could go back in time, I would go back to when I was four and a half years old. I would like that part of my life to be different. Could I change the events? I don’t know. I was so small. I could also be setting myself up to relive that fateful day that dramatically changed my whole family’s life.

July 4th, 2010, was just like any previous holiday. We were all getting ready to celebrate Independence Day. We had three of my cousins staying with us who were my Aunt Crystal’s kids. My sister, my brother, me, and my parents were all at home. We lived in a three-bedroom house. My mom and dad bought fireworks for everyone to be able to fire off. I did not get any bottle rockets or anything like that. I got to play with the ones that you throw on the ground and pop. My mom would help me hold sparklers, and she would light the fireworks that spin around for me. Everyone had a great day. I just did not know what was going to happen the next day.

July 5th, 2010, everyone was at the table eating breakfast. After breakfast, we all went outside to play. After a while, we went back in to eat lunch. While eating lunch, my mom got a call from my nanny. She stared out the window, and then she started getting upset. I remember her telling my dad “I have to go”. When my dad asked her what was going on, she said “Crystals de. I have to go, and I will call you on the way and explain it to you”. Mom then gave dad a kiss, and she left. I would not find out until later that what she told my dad is that my Aunt Crystal had passed away.

My mom was very upset, and she was gone for several hours. I do remember that. I remember when mom did come home, it was already dark. Her eyes were very red and swollen. I could tell that she was sad, so I went up to hug her. She gave me a big hug and then went to her room to talk to my dad. After she talked to my dad, she called my Aunt Christy. They talked for just a little bit. I know now what else she was doing.

My mom took the burden upon herself to locate a funeral home and talk to them about prices. I did not get to go with my mom and dad the next day when they met with the funeral home and planned my aunt’s funeral. I did not know that mom and dad paid for a large portion of my aunt’s funeral. I remember my mom was upset for several days and tried to deal with everything in her own way. She would keep a smile on her face when she was around all six of us kids, but looking back now, I can see how sad her eyes were.

The next day on July 6th, 2010, my mom and dad took us to our Aunt Christy’s house. That is when we found out what had happened. Mom did not want to tell us without someone else there that could help her answer the questions. And dad did not feel right about telling us. He felt that it should come from someone who knew Aunt Crystal very well like my mom’s side of the family.

The next few days went by like normal days for us kids. Mom and dad tried to make sure everything remained as close to normal as possible. Mom would have to leave and go help do things, but dad was always there. He made sure that we had plenty to eat and plenty of things to do. When mom was home, she would make sure that she did pay attention to us kids and ask how we were doing.

On July 9th, 2010, my cousins went to stay with Aunt Christy. Mom had to focus on her three kids and getting everyone ready for the funeral. It was an extremely hard day for her. I did not understand what a funeral meant. All I knew is that everyone seemed sad. I can look back now and say that it was extremely hard on everyone.

July 10th, 2010 was the day of the funeral. Mom made sure that we were all dressed like Aunt Crystal would have liked. I still did not understand what I was getting dressed like that for. We went to the funeral home and mom sat with us kids. Dad sat in a different section. My brother Chris came to sit next to mom. Dad had asked him to come because dad would not be sitting next to mom. He just needed to make sure mom had someone that she could lean on. I did not know at the time that mom had asked dad to be a pallbearer. My Aunt Christy and her husband sat right in front of us with her two kids and my Aunt Crystal's three kids. My nanny was in the front row with my grandpa. My Aunt Sheila and her husband sat by nanny.

Mom did good at holding her tears back. She always tries to not let us kids see her cry. Mom and Aunt Crystal were very close to each other. I knew that mom was sad. She was really sad. Towards the middle of the funeral, mom started to cry. My brother Chris held her, and she just cried silently. That funeral was hard on everyone.

After the service, we all went to the cemetery and then back to my nanny’s house. Everyone was there. I know that my aunt was looking down on all of us. She would have been happy to be there. I often wonder what would have happened if we would have invited her to the popping of the fireworks at our house. Would things have turned out different? Or would it have just postponed the inevitable? That is one question that I do not have an answer to.

If I could just go back to any time, I would choose to go back to July 2010. I would love to see my Aunt Crystal just one more time. I was so young, all that I can find are the pictures that my mom has, or her obituary online. That is one of the hardest days of my life up to this point. Would it change anything? Would it make people different today? I cannot answer those questions. But, I do remember that was the last time that I was the happiest.

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