Do smile, they said. And you did. And it worked for a while. Then your problems came back, but worse. And in a different way. The girl in the mirror slowly became the girl in your cell phone screen reflection. The mirror, mentally shattered to pieces. Your paper house, burned down. Those friends, nowhere to be seen. Depression creeped back up, but way louder than before. Almost like you knew it was gonna hit you hard. Almost….but not quite. The headache’s back. Pounding the inside of your skull painfully. You put your best face on, and smile big. Conceal, don't feel...or whatever Elsa said, right?
You’re sucked back into that state of mind, but you’re sucked in deeper this time. Your problems, don’t quite scream at you this time. They stay silent, as they creep up on you. No screaming, yelling, screeching, pounding, banging, ground splitting, etc. Just the eerie sound of silence. It’s like your brain is too tired to register the agonizing sounds of your problems, so it ignores them instead. But you know that your problems are dying to be heard. That girl in the screen reflection has been awfully quiet lately. You smile, even though you’re NOT alright.
There’s no class to walk to, no friends to laugh with. Nothing. Which probably isn’t the best for your degrading mental health, but oh well. You’re all kinds of tired, but this time, you CAN sleep. You sleep ALL of the time. Even when you know that you shouldn’t, you still do. It’s the closest thing to death, without dying. You don’t actually dream this time though. It’s white and staticky. You’re awake, and you walk around the white abyss, not really expecting to find anything. You’re honestly just curious, that’s all. Chin up, back straight, and smile. You know the drill.
You’re not actually going anywhere, so there’s nowhere to come home from. You’re always in bed, but sometimes you’re on the floor. Because sometimes you just gotta shake it up, right? Sometimes, you don’t even get up, cause that calls for energy. Energy that you clearly don’t have. You’re too tired to force yourself to eat anything, so you let yourself starve. Chewing gum whenever you feel the urge to eat. You pick up the phone, looking at your so called “friends” having fun with your other so called “friends.” However, you were never invited. But you’re too tired to care.
“What happened to you?” Ah, there she is.
“Not sure,” you shrug. She scoffs in distaste.
“You’re way too young to lie here forever.” BANG.
“It’s been a fun ride, but I think it’s time I get off.” BANG.
“Is that supposed to sound suicidal?” BANG.
“Go away, and perhaps, DON’T come back later.” BANG.
“You know I can just turn my phone around, and you wouldn’t be able to bother me.”
“But you won’t, because you can’t live without me.” And the sad thing about her statement was that it was true. So smooth your clothes and stand up straight.
“Put your best face on, and go out with a bang.”