I am sitting in a little white room, poorly decorated, in a small fuzzy bean bag. While sitting I try to remember why I am here. Then, I remember that I am in the hospital. I know why but it pains me to think about it. I tell myself that it wasn’t my fault and what happened was just my imagination. That this was all an imagination. But I knew what I did, and I knew that it wasn’t my imagination.
So, what exactly did happen? Well I was at home by myself and I was supposed to be studying but I was planning. Planning what? How I would die. I tried to commit suicide. I know you might be thinking wow this girl is such a pussy, or wow that’s the easy way out she needs to grow some balls and deal. Well to all those people out there **** YOU! I bet you that everyone who is thinking that, or maybe even saying it aloud has never gone what I have gone through. To all the people who have gone through what I am going through, going through it right now, or have/has gone through something like this before you probably understand more than anyone else. I was getting ready ion my room when suddenly, my sister burst into my room. I had a knife in one hand and at that exact moment, I had just finished swallowing two handfuls of 2 of each pill that was prescribed to me. She ran to me took the knife out of my hand. Me being me I was being a stubborn ass and tried to wrestle it out of her hands, cutting my hand. It wasn’t that bad though. She called 911, then my parents. They drove me to the hospital having my parents and my sister meet me there. They wouldn’t let her ride in the ambulance with me. Then when I had woken up, I was upset. I didn’t know where I was, and I didn’t see my family but there was a lot of people in the room and I was getting angry because none of them were my family. Then I felt a prick in my elbow and I got calmer. They asked me a couple of questions which I don’t remember how I answered, then they attempted me to the mental hospital, where I would stay for two weeks at least.
I had never been here before. I tried to talk but only a squeak came out. There were only three people in the room, but those three people looked at me and then one of them rushed towards me spewing questions at me a hundred mile per hour. I tried to speak yet again this time a tiny work formed and flowed out of my mouth. “Stop.” It was quiet, but just loud enough to get the doctors attention who was rushing at me. He immediately slowed and stopped talking. When he reached me, he asked \me a simple question compared to the bits and pieces I heard of all the other questions that he had been spitting at me.
“May I ask you name?” He said.
“My name is harper.”
“Hi harper, my name is Dr. Ration. I am going to ask you a couple of very simple questions. Tell me if you get to overwhelmed ok?”
“How old are you?”
“What is your favorite color.”
“Do you remember how many people live in your household, and can you name them all?”
“Yes. My mom’s name is Sharrleine, My dad’s name Ricky, and my sister Lana. She is 14.”
“Very good. Thank you for cooperating. Nurse Lucy is going to show you to your room.”
A very large woman steps out from the door and asks me to follow her. She doesn’t seem very nice. The way she says it, with a harsh tone like she doesn’t really want to be here, like this is a job that she doesn’t choose, a job that she is forced to do. Anyway, I be nice to her, hoping that maybe, just maybe she will warm up to me. I see a lot of other people like me. I kind of feel like I belong here. When I see all these people here, one guy stands out. He is beautiful. Brown hair swept to one side, beautiful blue eyes. He catches me looking at him, he smiles flashing beautiful white teeth. I get distracted and I run into Lucy.
“What the hell kid?”
“I am so sorry I tripped on my foot. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“It sure didn’t look like you tripped on your foot. It looked like you were checking the doctor out.”
“Ma’am I would never do anything to disrespect the doctor.”
“Oh. You think that me and the doctor together? Hell no. He is way older than me.”
“No Ma’am that’s not what I meant.”
“Are you being disrespectful AGAIN?’’
“Good. Here is your room.”
I open the door and I see two beds. One of which is occupied. I don’t know who my roommate or cellmate if you will, is but I hope they understand what I am going through. If not, I think I am able to request a new room. I go to put my few belongings down, then nurse Lucy swoops in and steals them.
“I’m sorry but we need to go through this to make sure that you don’t have anything that you’re not supposed to or that could harm you.”
” Ugh. Fine, whatever but hurry up. Can I have my phone?”
“I will try my hardest to be fast. You can have your phone tomorrow and eight at night.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“Yeah. No problem it’s my job. I’m a hard ass though. I’m sweet to though. Sorry I was rude earlier.”
“It’s ok. IM used to it.”
“Well, tell me if you need anything. I will print you out a schedule and bring it by in ten minutes or so.”
” Thanks ma’am.”
Nurse Lucy leaves the room ad as she does a girl my age enters the room. She is beautiful. Long brown hair in a French braid reaching the middle of her back. She has green eyes with big glasses. She is a little tan but still white. She is wearing a black crop top with the words fuck love on it. She also has a pair of super short shorts on with a flannel tied around her waist. I don’t know why she’s her. She turns to me.
“Hi. My name is Aubrey.’’
“I’m harper. Nice to meet you. You are gorgeous.”
‘’Thanks. Why are you here? You seem quite normal compared to other people her.”
’’I was just thinking the same about you. I am here because of an attempted suicide. Multiple attempted suicides. My family only knows about one. So why are you here?”
“Same reason as you but not as bad as you. The only thing I do is cut but my parents found out and sent me to this damn place.”
“I’m sorry. Do you know when you’re getting out?”
“My mom said she would come and pick me up after eight days. Today is my second day.”
“Lucky. I have to be here at least two weeks. I wish I could stay for just eight days. That would be better than two or more weeks.”
Just then Nurse Lucy walks into the room carrying two things. A paper in one hand and a shirt and pair of pants with deodorant, my toothbrush, toothpaste, and my hairbrush. She hands me my stuff and I throw it down on my bed.
“Don’t forget to look at your schedule, you have something going on in 15 minutes. Oh and…”
She looks around to make sure on one is looking.
“Here is your phone. They let me give it to you a little bit early just doesn’t show the doctor ok?’’
“Ok. I have no problem not showing the doctor, as long as I get my phone, I’m fine. Thank you so much.”
‘’No problem hon.”
Aubrey sits cross legged across from me on her bed waiting for Nurse Lucy to leave. A couple of minutes later, Lucy leaves shutting the door behind her. I drop all of my stuff on my bed. I walk to the bathroom. There’s no door but there is a curtain around the shower. I wash wand scrub my hands hoping that maybe just maybe I could scrub the grossness I feel away. All f a sudden my hand burns like a flaming inferno.
Author Notes: I was really tired when i started this so the craft might not be very good.