A Beautiful Sound

“Hey, what’s a beautiful sound?”

Almost everyone would think of nature and music, but the first thing that pops up in my mind is your voice. The voice which puts me at ease, the voice which pulled me through my darkest times, the voice which I can never forget.

When I first met you, you reminded me of those really quirky main characters from a TV show, with a cheerful personality armed with jokes that never fail to amuse everyone. Compared to you, I seemed like one of those side characters who wouldn’t even get a narration. I had a really dull personality in comparison, with average looks and average grades, and had nothing going for me, unlike you. You had everything. Looks (you were easily the most handsome boy in the class), grades (for the entire time you were here you had the highest score in the class for every test and exam), and even sports (you wiped the floor with the fastest runner in our class). Thus, I must really say that I’m really happy when you were willing to sit next to me, let alone talk to me. However, I feel that the best part about you would be your voice. So smooth, so soothing, so addictive, and always saying the right things at the right time, reaching deep into my heart every time. When you first spoke to me, I could feel my world changing, those 4 words you first said to me really meant a lot to me.

“Can I sit here?”

Having been treated like an outcast because I could not speak, it’s been a long time since someone even spoke to me in such a nice manner. As I was treated like a harbinger of bad luck, no one even dared to come near me, and anything bad that happened would be blamed onto me. Because of this, I was wondering, why did you do it? Why did you make the effort to walk all the way to the back of the class to talk to me? Can’t you see the disgusted look in their eyes? I’ll probably bring bad luck to you anyways. Stay away...

“Can you show me around school today?”

I saw you getting dragged out during break time by my classmates. I’m pretty sure they told you all about me. I’m the harbinger of bad luck. I don’t want to rub my bad luck off on you, so why did you ask me that...

“Will you be my friend?”

I don’t want to drag you down the same path as me. I’m the harbinger of bad luck, but I would rather keep my bad luck all to myself than to spread it to you. I'm already used to being alone, and I don’t want to hurt you…

I am surprised to see you coming back the next day to ask me the same question. I mean, even after the harsh rejection I gave you yesterday, you’re still not willing to give up? I’m the harbinger of bad luck, come any closer and you’ll have misfortunes befalling you every day...

“You’re hurting, right?”

Those blue eyes of yours, they seem to see through everything. I did not want to admit it, but I am. It might seem that I was simply trying to seek your attention by tearing up at that moment, but trust me, your words touched me in the deepest part of my heart. For once, I felt loved, important, and cared for. It was the first time I had cried in front of someone. I cried and cried and cried, as I felt your warmth embracing me. You ran your fingers through my hair as if trying to calm me down. It was the most soothing moment in my life, those 16 years which was full of hate and despise. When I looked up, I saw those sparkling blue eyes, staring right down at me. You smiled, as you caressed my face, lightly pinching my cheeks.

Why did you not run away? Why did you not do like those children, always keeping their distance from me, never looking directly into my eyes, always showering me with hate, never considering my feelings? You were the only one who reached out to me like a ray of light piercing through the darkness. You made me calm, as you allowed me to be comfortable in the small zone in which the light shone upon. You gave me hope, as you allowed me to see the rainbow beyond the darkness. You melted my heart, as you destroyed the walls I had built around myself.

Ever since, I have been feeling at ease whenever I’m near you. I wonder if this is the power of friendship, or could there be something more to it. I would often find myself staring at you in the middle of lessons, mesmerised by how your eyebrows seemed to shine under the sunlight that was coming in through the windows. Sometimes, you would catch me staring, and give me a smile, before telling me to focus on the lesson. I liked that part of you, that mature persona you’re showing me. Sometimes, I would find you sleeping during math, and I would smile and think that you look really cute when you’re sleeping. I liked that part of you, that childish persona you give off when you’re sleeping.

I would like to think that I have a chance, but every time when I see you surrounded by a bunch of girls, I think to myself that it simply isn’t possible. I’m just not of your standard, you deserve someone better. Furthermore, how could I have forgotten that I, the harbinger of bad luck, could never walk by the side of the charming prince. I must be dreaming.

I bottled up my emotions and put on a cold mask in order to stop myself from falling too deep in love with you. It was difficult suppressing my emotions, but somehow I managed it. You seemed to have gotten the signal and started to keep a distance from me. Although I was happy that you remained at one arm’s length from me, I was a little sad because I was unable to close the distance between us.

However, I realised I couldn’t live without you by my side anymore. I felt like a kid who had her lollipop taken away from her. That sense of loss was unbearable. You came into my life, made such an impact, and then expect to leave without creating a ripple? Although I couldn’t express my feelings verbally, I know for sure, that I am unable to live without you anymore.

“You’re hurting, right?”

Those blue eyes saw right through me again. You reached out to me again. You saved me again. However, I could sense a tiny bit of sadness in your eyes, when your eyes met mine. I wondered why.

I was shocked when I did not find your name on the roster the next morning. The usually messy table next to mine was also surprisingly neat and tidy, with nothing under it. I was even more appalled to hear about your transferral out of this school, and that yesterday was your last day present. What am I supposed to do when you’re not there… I cannot go back to how I was before, as I cannot live without you anymore.

By chance, I found a piece of paper taped to underneath your table. Opening it, I found a letter addressed to me, from you. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read the first 4 words.

“What’s a beautiful sound?”

I could never tell you that the most beautiful sound in the world was your voice. I could never, and I can never.

“For me, the most beautiful sound would be the wedding song, played as the groom watches his beloved bride enter into the room, when he sees the bride in her wedding dress for the first time, mesmerised by her attractive figure, clad in a white dress with a pretty veil over her face.”

I wished that were you, blessing me with your presence at my wedding. I wished that were you, standing in front of me, dressed neatly in a black tuxedo with a bright smile on your face. I wished you were there to experience this, seeing me in that beautiful white dress with a pretty veil over my face. I wished that were you, putting that ring onto my finger. I wished that were you, standing next to me while the wedding song was being played. I wished that were you, stepping into that new apartment with me. I wished that were you, whom I’ll be spending the rest of my life with. But after all, it’s just a wish.

I’m really glad to have found someone that would care for me, that would make me forget about those painful years in my life. I love him as much as you, but even after all these years, although I have long forgotten your looks, I could never forget your voice.

The voice which puts me at ease, the voice which pulled me through my darkest times, the voice which I can never forget.

Wherever you are, whatever you`re doing, I just want to say, thank you.
 

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