Black Chronicles Character Interview Reviews
This is a good story -- engaging and interesting.
J.A. Nolan's one-star rating is absurd. Her review makes some fair suggestions for improvement, but one star? Has she read any of the other stuff on shortstories101? This piece is superior to at least 90 percent of submissions -- and it's a vastly more ambitious piece of work at 10k+ words.
Well done, Sherzahd! Keep writing!
Personally I felt the story was absolutely amazing. The idea was great, and the characters were fantastic, there's a lot of detail to each of their personalities. Good job! I look forward to future stories.
I loved the "interview" it was really nice to read (Not just because I know the characters or am one)
It all came together very nicely and there wasn't a lot of 'lighty' or 'softly' which was the only sad thing.
The personalities were really good, very well captured especially Himchan.
I enjoyed Jae always the moral compass, I'm pretty sure Hyuk wished the girl was his. Overall I really enjoyed it and can't wait for the actual book.
I will absolutely try to slip a few more 'lightly' and 'softly' into the next chapter...
The first book should be available on Smashwords around October and it's free to beta-readers *hint hint*
I honestly wanted to like this story, because I enjoy werewolf stories, but you desperately need an editor. I couldn't even get through the interview at the beginning of the story.
You overuse dashes and elipses. It makes your sentences choppy and confusing, when they should be simple and flowing. There are other minor grammar and pacing issues as well.
The characters have odd made-up names, which makes the whole thing automatically awkward and then confusing when there is dialogue.
The main characters reaction to being hearded into a van in the middle of the night for an interview is unrealistic at best. No woman would be stupid enough to meet a complete stranger in a park, alone, at night. She never even got a name before she decided to go with them to another unknown location? Most women would run in the opposite direction. Especially a grown adult who should have more sense. Then, she is entirely too blase about not getting straight answers to her questions in the van. Her inner dialogue is weird, and kind of silly, for the situation.
During the interview it gets even more confusing when the two of them are being all cryptic about what is and isnt a question. Then other characters start interrupting them.
You need to work on character development and descriptions. I couldn't tell one from the other and kept forgetting the characters names.
You are trying to tell an origin story that keeps getting interrupted with stuff that makes no sense, by characters that are nothing more than a name on the page. I had to keep rereading it to figure out who was saying what, and trying to figure out how many charters were in the room, and which one had which weird name.
After the third reread, I realized the whole thing was probably more of the same, so I decided not to bother reading 10,000 or so more words. It was giving me a headache.
I imagine others will probably have similar misgivings about reading such a long story. I'd be happy to try reading your story again after its been thoroughly edited.
I am aware that this piece needs work, which is why I posted it here for review. I will run through it again to try and catch the grammar issues you mentioned.
Her inner dialogue was meant to be silly; it was a deliberate attempt on my part to bring across how deeply her hard reporter image contrasts with who she is on the inside, if that makes sense.
This story is, of course, utterly brilliant! It is, though, a big ask - at over 11000 words - to sit and read in one go. It is worth it, though! :-) Fabulous work xx