Bleed

It was a cold Monday morning and I was making my way off of the bus. As I stepped off I was greeted with a biting wind. I pulled out my phone and text John to come pick me up. As I waited for his arrival tears began to roll down my face from the cold. I hadn't noticed until they had rolled to my chin. I kept my hands inside of my pockets since I had done the dumb thing and left my gloves home. About 5 minutes passed and I had seen John across the street waiting for the light to turn red. That's when I sacrificed my warmth and wiped my face free of the tears. The light turned red and I ran to John with open arms. He had done the same except with a warm smile on his chiseled face. "How are you feeling?" he asked with an even warmer smile. "I'm doing alright, feeling a lot better now. What movies do you have lined up for me?" I said knowing that it will probably be something cheesy. "It's a surprise." A surprise? Yea ok. We arrive to his front door and he stops abruptly and turns to face me. "What's wrong?" He looks at me for a few seconds then at the ground. "Well my apartment is a little bit of a mess. I had a couple of the guys over last night and hadn't had a chance to clean." I look at him and shrug my shoulders. He then pulls out his keys and opens the door.
The apartment wasn't as bad as he had made it seem. There where just a few plastic cups here and there and a couple of wrappers lying around, nothing serious. I pulled off my coat and threw it on a near by chair, where he had done the same. Then I plopped myself on the couch and waited for him to set everything up. As I watched, my phone began to vibrate. I looked at the screen and seen the so called love of my life's name written across the screen in bright green text. I rubbed my finger across the left side of the phone and silenced everything. I don't want to hear his voice at this point in time. You see we had been together for 8 years and decided to celebrate by going out to a club called Feathers. We danced with each other and a few other people. Then had a couple of drinks. The night was still young and I wanted another Martini. I sat at the bar and had ordered my drink. I bobbed my head to the beat of the throbbing music while slowly scanning the dance floor. That's when I noticed him with a blonde girl in a metallic dress. Her legs cocked up on his hips and his hands around her waist. She grabs his face and starts shoving her tongue down his throat. I sat there in disbelief for 30 full seconds watching their tongues dance.
I left him with a message that included a piece of my mind and then some. I stormed out of the club in 6 inch heels and my tiny coat in 30 degree weather since he still had the car keys. That's when I decided to call John and we arranged for a stress free day watching movies. Now that John had finished setting up and the lights where turned off, he plopped down on the couch right next to me with that warm smile again and the previews began. I snuggled next to him and he placed his arm around my shoulder. Now John and I have been friends for 4 years and all but for some reason my heart was beating out of my chest. I looked at him and was ripping his features apart in my mind. The way his hair was done.... The way his eyes glistened in the television light.... His lips that seemed to be perfectly placed on his face. I look over at the screen to stop my thoughts from progressing any further. We where watching some lame movie about a couple of weed heads looking for a place to fulfill the munchies. Something about White Castles. I really can't remember much since I wasn't paying attention.
I decided to quench my thirst and take one more look. I looked at him again and started from the top all over again. When I got down to his lips he scared me when he cleared his throat. "Are you ok?" I started to blush and looked away. "I'm fine. Sorry about that I was just thinking." He smiled his warm smile and said "The movie isn't doing it for you huh?" I shook my head and chuckled. When I looked back at him there was no smile. Just a serious face that drew me into his deep brown eyes. We looked at one another for a moment and my heart started to beat out of my chest. What is about to happen here.... Will this be something I regret? Only one way to find out. As I look back at him I decided to make my move. I placed my hand on the side on of his face and slowly trailed it down to his jaw line. He didn't stop looking at me. I slowly leaned in for a kiss and he met me half way. As soon as my lips touched his electricity coursed through me. My heart is racing and my palms begin to sweat. I haven't felt this since I started dating my love 8 years ago...
Oddly enough he doesn't stop me so I keep going. Slowly and lightly kissing him on the lips, then his jaw line, finally his neck. He ran his hands up my back and pressed my head further into his neck. So I started to suck...What am I doing... I have someone to go home to and it's not John.. It just feels so right I don't want to stop. He pulls my face away, stands up and takes me by the hand. He starts to lead me to his bedroom and my heart begins to beat in my throat. Am I really about to do this? We get to his room and he closes the door. He walks calmly to me and looks me straight in the eyes. I look back at him willing to do whatever it is he wants. I guess he read my desperation and took my shirt off. Before you know it we where on the bed in our underwear grabbing, kissing, and sucking wherever we pleased. I didn't notice how wet I was until he slipped his fingers in my underwear and rubbed my clit. Unconsciously I let out a slight moan. He went further down and slipped a finger right in. I closed my eyes and moaned again as he took his finger and went straight for my G-spot.
I didn't know what to do with myself. The sensation was paralyzingly good. I couldn't help myself. My back arched, my lips trembled, and my spine tingled. I need to stop or else I won't be any better then him... I summoned all of the strength that I had and pushed him away. Sitting back against the headboard breathing hard he looked at me confused. "Did I do something sweetheart?" I didn't know what to say. I wanted to leap all over him and take what I wanted, but I couldn't get HIM out of my mind. "I don't think I should do this with you. It's not you at all your an amazing guy. You don't deserve to be my play thing just because my boyfriend screwed up. I'm really sorry." John looked at me and for the last time that day I seen his warm smile. "Alright let me know if you got home ok." I smiled and nodded. I put all my clothes on under 5 minutes and made my way to the front door. Before I could walk out John took me by the arm and said sweetly "Whenever you need me I'm here, play thing or not." I didn't know what exactly he meant by that but I just smiled and gave him a brief hug.
As I waited out in the cold for the bus to arrive. I decided to call my love to accept his apology and spew mine. No answer. Maybe he was asleep. I listened to music on the way home and started thinking about how I will explain this to him. I got to the front door and dug into my pocket for my keys but they weren't there. Shit I must have left them at John's. Luckily there was a spare in the potted planted right next to the door. I unlocked the door and the lights where off. I stepped in and clicked them on. No one seemed to be home. I took off my coat and placed it on the coat rack. I need a nap. I walk into my bedroom and there he is with another woman, laid up sleeping together. I didn't feel upset, sad, broken, or destroyed. I felt lust and love but not for him. For that someone who has been there for me no matter what, and I pushed him to the side for 4 years... John... I slammed the door put on my coat and headed back to John where he met me again with open arms and a lustful kiss.

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