Blood Is Harder to Clean

They tell me that my family are the only ones I can trust,

But how am I to trust when they've done me so much harm?

It used to be petty but now it raises alarm,

I've been touched in ways I didn't want,

And then blamed for it and the ghost of it seems to always follow, always haunt,
 

I've been misguided

And more times than I can count, derided

They want me to never touch a boy,

As though marriage is some kind of decoy

Luring innocent girls in and ruining them, like they're some kind of toy
 

But they can touch me,

Grab my hands, pinch my cheeks, grasp my breasts, and never let me free,

I'm afraid of what I've become

I don't know if I'm scared anymore or if I am numb,

There's this emptiness where love should be,

I know that void shouldn't be there but when I think about it I want to flee,
 

And I want to ask for help, I want to find a way away from it,

But everytime I beg to be pardoned my warden will not permit,

And every family gathering around those monsters I try to hide,

I can't even shield myself so it's time that I bide,

My skin has begun to feel disgusting and my body that I cannot control

Has become more of a burden than a blessing, it's caused damage to my soul,
 

I feel like I'm falling apart,

And everyone watches my meltdown as though it's art,

Because the people around me say I don't understand assault,

I didn't think I would have to say no, it's not my fault,

And I cling to the people around me,

Hoping that someone will give love, I want it desperately,
 

My heart aches from this pain it's endured,

And it may just kill me inside because this cannot be cured,

I am trapped in myself because I can't leave,

And everyone says life is supposed to get better, but that's hard to believe,

There is no reason I should have to heal from this,

I should reminisce my childhood with complete bliss,
 

But I can't because my own blood is burned on my skin,

And I'm trying desperately to get out of this situation I'm in,

Because blood is thicker than water, but it only makes it harder to clean

When someone ruins you with it, and for the rest of my life I will deal with what I had to as a teen

Author Notes: This was a hard poem to write and understandably it is likely a hard one to read. If you experience sexual assault or know a loved one experiencing sexual assault please reach out to appropriate foundations that offer support.

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