The bright sun is hidden from her, she can not feel it’s warmth upon her milky pinkish skin. She has kept herself her own prisoner for months and the doubt inside her is taking control of her very being. She weeps every night for a knight in shining armor to save her. Her broken wings sprawled out around her tattered and dirty. Her heart bleeds for the love she had never had in her whole life of existence. She pushes the ones she once loved into a vault for there mere memories haunt her so she tries to lock them away forever. They destroyed her soul, muffled her voice, shattered her heart and made her feel inadequate in every way. She tried a knife and pills to sooth her emotional anguish to stop her suffering but nothing did the job. She does not understand why they tease and torment her no matter what she did for them it was never enough. Banging her head on the wall was something she solemnly did. Sadness and darkness are natural cousins. Since ancient times, people have worn black to express their grief. Happiness is attracted to sunshine and depression to darkness. She says there is a certain romance in darkness and melancholy. She believes there is something mysterious about that which is hidden and unknown.
She walks the face of earth once more, a mindless puppet, her strings are torn. As she lies on her bed in the fetal position, her eyes are closed hoping and wishing for the best. In times of trouble and insanity she carries masks to disguise the pain she carries secure behind her eyes. Death creeped up twice, beauty did cry. You’re all alone in your beautiful lie! She swam all alone in a pool of darkness and she felt like darkness is slowly pulling her under she yells for help but no one is there to hear it. She began to see the water at eye level and started to kick and flail fighting to stay above the darkness, But the darkness won’t let go of its hold on her and she slowly begins to give in to the feeling that lies below the water line. You know you’re broken when Laughter sounds like tears, and you have so many dark fears. When your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, and your world is surrounded by lies. When you have no need for life. I feel numb and alone Life is dark and unfeeling un-remorseful. Another night closes in darkness descends down, smothering, suffocating, drowning her once again. She finds herself screaming out “Let me go, set me free of this paralyzing sickness that has taken complete control of me.” every night before bed. She visits her baby and repeats “Here a pretty baby lies sung asleep with lullabies: pray be silent, and not stir, easy earth that covers her.” every time that she releases herself from her prison she visits her grave every night so people can not see her tears. Because her mouth is wide with laughter and her throat is deep with song, you did not think she suffered after she held her pain in for so long.
She fooled so many over the years beginning when she was only five years old to fake a smile, hush her crying and hide her true emotions that the older she got the harder it was for her to feel. She started to become numb to her surroundings and only show her emotions through poems, stories and when she was all alone. The internet, video games, movies, drawing, reading, writing and tv where the only things that could truly make her emotional, She wanted less and less to do with the human race. Her thoughts always seemed to roam while others spoke to her for none cared truly about her inside or out. She began to hate the world and every person in it. But she did try to see the good seemed only good she could see was mother nature and karma. She thought to herself what a cruel, uninviting, tainted and evil world we had made. She wrote in her journal one day “Humans are inclined towards unproductive, inefficient, and self-destructive behavior. Humans civilization has led to many negative events such as the development and use of weapons of mas destruction, environmental destruction, extinction of whole species and environmental pollution. Humans are producing an ongoing mass extinction of other forms of life and will eventually destroy the climate of this planet. There is a 90% probability that humanity will cause its own extinction.” Finally one day she saw a glimmer of light out of the corner of her eye a few grave stones away from her daughter. A man who had his broken wings as tattered and dirty as hers was hunched over nearly falling over with tears in his eyes. She went to him and put her hand on his shoulder which startled him at first but when he saw her tears and caring looking face he became calm. Without any words their eyes swelled up with fire of love shined brightly. They both had tried suicide, been cheated on and hurt in so many ways over the years. Without a warning they both embraced each other as if knowing how much the other hurt. The tombstone he was next to said a name with J.R at the end that was when she knew it was his baby boy under the headstone where he was nearly falling over. She felt like she knew his pain all to well and needed to help his pain go away for she did not want another person to feel what she felt every day.
She did not know he was thinking the very same thing. They began to talk that lead to dating which turned into real love and sex. One day she found out she was pregnant, he proposed right then and there. At the wedding she wrote her own vows he went with the Christian vows. When it was her time to do her vows she said “You fixed my broken wings, cleaned my wounds and healed my soul; You made the darkness vanish and replaced it with a light brighter than the sun. From the first time I saw you it was love at first sight, and I knew I had to take away all of your pain and you ended up taking mine away too. I will and have never loved anyone as much as I love you. You saved my life and made me whole.” He cried tears of joy and kissed her so passionately and hard that her legs became like jello.