Buck Thirty

“Ya know what you could get for a buck thirty back in my day?” the old man shouted.

Robbie poked his head into the bedroom. “Grandpa, quit yelling!” he hissed. Noticing the crumpled up bill and loose change is his grandfather’s hands, Robbie asked, “Where’d ya find that?”

“Sock drawer,” his grandfather responded. He placed the money on top of a dresser. “Who hides a buck thirty? Not like you can buy anything with that nowadays. Ya know, back in the day, a buck thirty could get you a lap dance at King of Diamonds. Ya ever been to King of Diamonds?”

“I’m fourteen, Grandpa...”

“Nerd.”

“Grandpa, focus! Anything else in here?”

“Nah. All clear.”

“I’ll check his office. You hit the living room.”

“Alrighty then. Let's get after it.”

As soon as he reached the entrance to the office, Robbie heard his grandfather exclaim, “I’m taking his TV.”

“No, Grandpa!” Robbie spat. “Remember, we’re just here for the one thing.”

“Bah. You’re no fun.” He picked up a potato from the kitchen, weighing it in his hand. “I’m breaking a window though.”

“Knock yourself out,” Robbie muttered, turning his attention to the drawers of an old wooden desk.

A few moments later, Robbie popped out of the room, holding up a stress ball. “Think Scruffy would like this?”

His grandfather laughed. “Scruffy’ll chase those things all day long! Chews on ‘em so much, they don’t last long. Does he have any more?”

“I’ll check. What you got there?”

Holding a stack of papers and magazines, his grandfather responded, “Not much. Mostly just Arby’s coupons.”

“Anything we can get for a buck thirty?”

His grandfather chuckled. “No. Don’t look like it.” He flipped through the stack of cut out coupons. “Here’s one for a free small jamocha shake, with a classic beef n’ cheddar meal.”

“Oooh dibs.” Robbie snatched the coupon and stuck it in his back pocket.

Robbie went back to the office and returned a minute later with his hands full of an assortment of stress balls. The balls dropped to the floor at a sudden hum echoing throughout the house.

“The hell are you doing?” Robbie barked as silently as he could.

“Microwaving.”

“Obviously. I thought I said to stay quiet.”

“Ya worry too much. He’s not home.”

“Yea, but I wanna be able to hear when he pulls up. He could be here any second. What could you even be making anyway?”

“Five-layer burrito.”

“...kay…”

“Wanna go splitsies?”

“I could do that. I could go splitsies.”

As they stood about the kitchen island, enjoying their snack, his grandfather said, “Can’t even get one of these for a buck thirty... I’m telling ya, can’t get nothing for buck thirty nowadays.”

“Well what about a biscuit from Popeye’s? Betcha can get a biscuit from Popeye’s under buck thirty.”

“...kay...”

The two finished their food before his grandfather asked, “Well, now where should we look?”

“Don’t know. I uh...actually don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“Sure ya do! Where haven’t we looked?”

“Ummm...oh, the garage! He’s got a tool chest out there where he might be hiding it.”

“Alrighty then. Let's get after it.”

Robbie rushed towards a door at the front of the house, but once he cracked open the door, he froze at the sound of a garage door beginning to open.

He yanked the door shut and ran towards his grandfather. “Five-O! Bail!”

“Quick! To the tiny house on wheels!” his grandfather shouted, as he picked up a handful of stress balls on the floor and stuffed them into his cargo pants pockets.

The two escaped the house and ran the two blocks to get into his grandfather’s Suburban.

“Phew,” Robbie exhaled. “That was a close one.”

“Aye. Wonder what he would have done if he caught us. Don’t think he’s got the stones to discipline his son.”

“We at least got to avoid one of his lectures.”

“Thank God,” his grandfather laughed. “What do ya think? I can bring you back to your mom’s. Then tomorrow we can come up with a new plan to get your swatch back.”

“It’s called a Switch, Grandpa. But...nah. I don’t think I need it.” Robbie pulled from his pocket the cash they found in his father’s bedroom. “What do you say we go find something to spend this buck thirty on?”

His grandfather chuckled. “That could take all night.”

“Alrighty then. Let's get after it.”

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