i like it

Okay a few things, on the very first sentence there should be a comma after right, in the 2nd paragraph, the last part should end with a period. In the last paragraph at the beginning I think you meant while instead of why, and then when the dialogue switches to the next person, a new paragraph should start. Okay, now on to the next part, I thought it was really great and cant wait to read part 2. Love the plot so far.