For a long time, I suffered severely. During those days all I wanted was to be okay and well, now I’m fine, but is that really good enough?
I no longer worry every day or have the urge to end myself. I live day by day and often have a good time. I don’t have anxiety attacks too often anymore and everything seems alright, so am I satisfied? Truth is, I’m not sure.
I don’t interact with anyone regularly, instead, I’m alone all day. I’m just always in my room, usually in my bed listening to music. Technically I’m fine with that, I really am okay, but perhaps there’s more to do. Perhaps life has more to offer if I just allow it to.
I have dreams of a potential future. One in which I have an enjoyably challenging and satisfying job. I work in a small team and know my coworkers well enough to invite them to my home. A decently sized home in the suburbs with a backyard, with a room for my eccentricities. I’ve got a piano, perhaps a guitar, a sound system I couldn’t even dream of right now and a writing station, that I occasionally use for drawing. I have a laptop, a tesla, some new technology I don’t know yet and I get to watch the colonization of mars. I meet up with some of my closest friends every now and again, some of whom I’ve known since primary school. And most of all, I get to share all of this with the love of my life, the person I’ve always dreamed of. They’re no longer just a wish, but a partner, a lover, my best friend and a mentor. Someone worth spending time with.
When I compare these dreams to where I’m currently headed It becomes obvious that simply being fine is not enough. I no longer want to be okay, I want more. I have aspirations. There’s something to work towards, a lighthouse way in the distance.
Out of your potential futures, which one do you choose?