it hasn't quite set in yet
that you're gone
for at least a year
but my worst fear
is that'll be longer than a year
it'll be forever
like what if
you don't come home
i don't want to lose you too
i can't lose you too
you're so stupid and reckless
war-hungry and you think you're ready
i don't think the war books you read
the gory movies you watched
convinced you that war really is horrible
not to be glorified
cause what if you die
i don't get it
i know that its how you've always been
but please
be safe
come back to us
whole
and
you
cause im scared i won't know the you that comes back
that it'll change you
i'm crying as i write you letters
just hoping what im saying gets through your thick head
i love you
i miss you
i hate that you're missing at least a year of our lives
i hate that any time we did something this summer
my mind asked if this would be the last time
was that our last beach trip with you?
was that our last time hanging out, just you and me, getting starbucks and books?
was that the first and last time i'll drive with you?
was that night the last time you'll have dinner here?
the last time piper will see you?
was that day the last time you'll tease me in person?
was that hug the last hug i'll ever get from you?
and i just can't imagine a world where you're not my big brother anymore
you have to come back
you have to take me out on more brother-sister dates
you have to scare the shit out of the first boy i bring home
of every boy i bring home
you have to come home to see j and e's wedding
to see our future kids
to start your own family
you have to see me graduate
get married
have kids
you have to be here
cause i don't know what id do if you weren't
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