Coming Home Part 4

-----------Charlie Holloway has hit rock bottom. He's come out in the worst way possible and will soon have to switch schools, where he will have to see his ex Theo Broussard in class every day. Charlie just wants to find happiness, but the world seems to be conspiring against him. Meanwhile, Theo must figure out some things for himself, as he weighs what he wants in life and what to do after graduation. The two are no longer on speaking terms and each will have to find their own way in the world, before either can ever find love again, together or separately.---------------

Chapter 24

Theo missed Charlie. There was no denying that. A few days in Chartres and all the boy could do was think about his friend, who was thousands of miles away in Colorado, as he watched the countryside pass him by on his train ride into Paris. The eight-hour time difference proved prohibitive of any extended contact, other than an occasional check-in. Winter break had come at the worst possible time, in Theo's opinion.

Charlie and Lucas's breakup was just becoming old news. It felt improper to make the first move in trying to get back with Charlie. Theo certainly thought he'd let it be known that he was interested in rekindling what they had, so in his opinion, it was now up to Charlie. Still, a nagging feeling of guilt persisted, a small voice in his head that told him he was the reason for the breakup. He dreaded being the source of unhappiness for either boy. If he and Charlie were to get back together, he'd have to find some way to make Lucas not hate him.

Theo usually enjoyed his times in France, which tended to remind him of a time when he was younger and happier, but this time, the small village of his mother's family did not evoke the same warm, fuzzy feelings, because his mind kept going back to Charlie, who was half a world away. Probably enjoying his vacation and not thinking about you in the slightest, the most-anxious parts of Theo's mind unhelpfully supplied. Now, this awkward limbo existed where Theo wasn't sure what would happen with the two of them and it couldn't be resolved for at least another week when he was back stateside.

This wasn't a conversation to be had over the phone. It took all his willpower to rest the urge to pull out his phone and call the boy, despite it being the middle of the night where Charlie was and Theo's current location was a packed train car on Christmas Eve. When Thierry first messaged Theo on Halloween night, the younger boy's heart nearly burst with joy. The older boy had certainly picked an opportune moment, as Theo was still reeling from Charlie's rejection that night and any affirmation would have been pounced on. Before Theo knew it, he was making plans to meet up with Thierry and, now that the day of this date had arrived, Theo was feeling apprehensive.

He weirdly felt like he was cheating on Charlie, despite them not being together in any capacity at the moment, but his feelings for the other boy were that deep. He didn't exactly know what Thierry thought this was either. Thierry had never been great at communicating when they were younger. 'I certainly have a type in that regard,' Theo thought ruefully. In their youth, the two used their mouths for kissing, not talking, so he never knew where he stood with the French boy. He'd soon find his answer as his train pulled into the Gare du Nord and he made his way through the Metro to southward towards the 5th arrondissement.

They had arranged to meet at the Place du Panthéon, which was near Panthéon-Sorbonne University. Thierry was studying cinema there. Theo sat on a bench in front of the imposing building as he waited for Thierry to finish with his shift at a restaurant on one of the side streets leading towards the Panthéon. The restaurant mostly catered towards tourists, Theo had learned from one of their sporadic text conversations over the past few months, which was a drawback as far as Thierry was concerned because he hated speaking French. This caused Theo a bit of consternation because his French was out of practice and he'd prefer to speak in English.

Thierry arrived twenty minutes after their scheduled meeting time and was only mildly apologetic about that fact. Theo couldn't help but think that Charlie, in all his consummate politeness, would be beside himself if he was even a minute late to meet Theo. Thierry teased Theo about needing to use English instead of French for their conversation as they walked through the Luxembourg Gardens. It was a very touristy activity, but Thierry insisted that meant it was perfect for Theo, which he resented but couldn't necessarily argue with. He felt a dull pain in his chest because he felt foreign in what should be his homeland. Another topic of their text conversations had been the current state of Notre Dame and its rebuilding process, which Theo had followed with an almost-morbid curiosity.

Thierry insisted that they go see it for themselves, for Theo's sake. On their way to the cathedral, they passed Deux-Magots and Cafe Flor. Theo remembered how Charlie used to go on and on about wanting to visit those places to walk in the footsteps of his idols. The gate surrounding the cathedral was menacing and the scaffolding around the church was eerie. They also stopped at Shakespeare & Company, a bookstore near the cathedral, because Theo wanted to get a Christmas present for Charlie, although he didn't tell Theirry the whole truth about that. He knew once the store clerk stamped the book he'd chosen for Charlie at checkout, that Charlie would treasure the present. Theo planned to send a picture of the book to Charlie the next morning with a Merry Christmas. He tried to have some reason for contacting Charlie other than simply 'I miss you.'

After Shakespeare, Thierry rushed them past the tourist-packed blocks around the cathedral as they headed back towards the Gare du Nord. Theo couldn't figure out if Thierry genuinely enjoyed walking the streets of Paris or if he was just too broke for the Metro. His clothing choices suggested the latter, but that could just be an aesthetic choice, Theo reasoned. Even with this rush, Theo couldn't help but think of the possibility that one day he could be strolling down the Champs-Élysées in Charlie's arms.

They talked about their time walking through Le Marais, which Theirry called his favorite part of the city. Theo could see why; it was very gay. The streets of Paris at Christmastime with fresh-fallen white snow was a magical thing to behold and Theo was ultimately glad Thierry had made them walk. Their train ride back to Chartres was nearly in complete silence as Thierry read some assigned reading for a class he was taking and Theo leafed through the copy of Giovanni's Room he'd bought at the bookstore and had pretended it was for himself.

He and Charlie had both already read the book, but Theo knew Charlie would appreciate this copy from the famous Parisian store with its ornate cover since Charlie had lost his treasured copy about a month back. After their train pulled into the Chartres station, the two walked towards the cathedral, eventually settling down at a cafe facing the larger construction. Charlie had texted Theo a link to Baldwin's essay "Stranger in the Village" when he learned that the Broussards planned to spend the break in Chartres.

Theo recalled the scene in Another Country when Eric and Yves had spent time in the town and gazed upon that very same cathedral, as he and Thierry lounged at a table in the outdoor part of the cafe. Tourists were crowding the square now, just as there had been in the book.

"I never thought I'd be doing so much reading for a cinema degree," Thierry remarked, looking up from his book and pulling Theo out of his stream of consciousness.

"Well, surprise, being a university student means lots of reading. Who would've guessed?" Theo teased his friend if that's what they were, as he sipped on his drink.

"If only I'd know, I'd have just bought a ticket to Hollywood and become famous already."

"You say it like it's easy."

"Your famous people make it look easy."

"That's part of the trick, isn't it? The illusion that they're just like us. We don't see the duck's feet furiously paddling beneath the surface."

"I think you're reading too much into things."

"Perhaps,"

Theo conceded with a smile. He wanted to go further and ask if he was reading too much into this, but he held back. The two were staying in opposite parts of town and were heading in different directions from the cafe. This led to an awkward hug situation as they parted. Theo was a bit disappointed in that nothing more came of their reunion, but he supposed that both had changed, drifted apart, in their years of separation. He found himself okay with this but began to wonder if his desire to reunite with Thierry was really just a proxy for a longing to return to his mother's homeland.

_________________________________________

Theo couldn't seem to fall asleep that night as a million thoughts raced through his head and around six in the morning, he found himself scrolling through Charlie's Insta. Before they'd become friendly again, Theo would do this whenever he really missed him. This semi-acceptable stalking inevitably brought back a lot of memories, both the good as well as the bad.

Charlie was never a frequent poster, but thankfully for Theo, the boy had many friends who were excessive users and luckily always tagged him. This time, as expected, there were no new posts from Charlie's account since he'd arrived in Colorado, not even a story, so he switched over to the boy's tagged section. He expected a few pics courtesy of Charlie's sister, but the first post he saw wasn't from a relative.

It was from a boy close to their age, Jack Fulbright, who was from Los Angeles and went to Columbia, but like Charlie was spending the break at the ski resort with his family. Theo had gleaned all this from a quick browse of his profile. The post in question included two pics with Charlie present out of seven in total. Theo always thought any more than five pics in a post was excessive and showed vanity. In one relatively innocuous one, the two were in heavy winter coats around a fire with a large group of people, each with hot chocolate, but huddled extremely close together.

Even worse, in the other, it was just the two of them and they were all over each other. Charlie's cheeks were a shade of red they only got when he was intoxicated. They looked happy together and it killed Theo inside. His cyberstalking had convinced him of the dreadful conclusion that he'd lost his chance. Theo shot Charlie a text without thinking, but it went unanswered and unread by the time Theo finally fell asleep in the early morning.

__________________________________________

Theo woke up around ten in the morning on Christmas Day, on less than four hours' sleep, to his phone buzzing like crazy. He fumbled around for it, still in a sleepy, zombie-like state, but when he saw the name on his phone screen, he bolted awake like he'd just downed several five-hour-energies. Charlie Holloway was face-timing him. It must've been like 2 in the morning for him. When he hit accept, he could barely see Charlie's face in the darkened room and he had no idea what he was supposed to expect from this.

Chapter 25

"Shit, I thought I pressed call, not facetime. Damnit, I didn't want you to see me like this,

" Charlie said, which were the first words out of his mouth, not an explanation of why he called Theo."

"For what it's worth, I can't really see you that well because it's so dark where you are. Would you mind turning on a light?"

"I'm a bit of a mess. I was drinking and..."

"I don't care," Theo responded, quickly and firmly. "I've missed seeing your face."

"Can't say no to you, babe," Charlie replied as he shifted and got up out of bed to flip the light switch across the room.

As the boy returned to his hotel room bed, Theo realized just how intoxicated the other boy must be to have called him babe.

"So, why did you call me?" Theo inquired, not trying to sound too desperate in his tone.

"I missed seeing your face, too."

"Is that the only reason?"

"I hooked up with a boy tonight."

"Oh, I'm, uh, glad you're rebounding after Lucas so quickly... but, wouldn't Eva or Julia or, I don't know, Nolan, be a better person to talk to about this?"

Theo didn't want to let on that he already knew about this boy through his cyber-stalking and he also stopped himself from inquiring which exact definition of hookup Charlie was using.

"You seriously think a hetero boy would be a better person to talk to about boys than a fellow homosexual?"

"Better than your ex."Charlie winced at that remark, "I've never been known for making wise choices. But, that's why I called you. I was going to take him back here to my room, but I got to the door and I just couldn't."

"Still hung up on Lucas?"

"Nah, don't think that's it. So how'd your date with Thierry go?" Charlie asked, quickly changing the subject. "Not much to say."

"I can't believe that."

"I met him in Paris, we took the train back, and we had coffee. Not much to write, or facetime, home about."

"You don't see your first crush, first love, in like five years and that's all that you do?" Charlie queried, somewhat shocked.

"How did we even get to talking about me? You called to brag about your love life. And, by the way, Thierry wasn't my first love or even first crush."

Charlie let out a noise of protest at the word brag.

"I did not call to brag about anything. I'm incapable of thinking of anybody but you, that's why I called—wait, so who's your first love then?"

"My god, Charles. You're so oblivious. It's always and will always be you. We've been over this.""But we're 'bad for each other,' right?"

"Says who?"

"Says you."

"Oh, right, I did say that. Wait, did you say you called because you can't stop thinking about me."

"Never have been Well, there was a time with Lucas when I thought I might, but no, never."

"I've never stopped thinking about you either."

"We hurt each other, though. I can't stand the thought of hurting you any more than I already have."

"I know the feeling. Listen, Charlie, I fucked up breaking things off. I left you isolated when you needed someone, needed me, the most and I'm so, so sorry for that."

"I hate to admit it, but I'm glad we broke up."

"You are?" Theo asked, quietly, trying to hold back whatever emotions were swelling up inside him and threatening to spill out across his face.

"I needed to figure out who I am. You tried your best but you weren't the answer to my problems. I had to be that for myself and only now can I honestly say I can be the partner that you, anyone really, deserves."

"I don't deserve you."

"Theo, you deserve the world, so much more than I can give you."

"No, I don't. Charlie, you've got it in your head that I'm this, like, perfect person, and I desperately want to be that person for you, but I'm just not."

"I know you're not perfect, Theo, but you're perfect to me. Oh my god, that sounded so corny when I said it, but it's true."

"You're drunk, Charlie."

"Drunk words are sober thoughts," Charlie retorted."Will you still feel this way in the morning?"

"Looks like it's morning where you are already."

"What time is it there?"

"I don't know. Like, almost three maybe?"

"You should get some sleep or Santa won't bring you any presents."

"The one thing I want Santa can't help with."

"True. I guess Santa can't bribe the admissions office at Columbia. He's not Felicity Huffman."

"Hah! But, not what I meant. And, I already got in."

"You did? Charlie, I'm so happy for you! But, wait, then what do you want that Santa can't get you?"

"I'd have to be on your lap to tell you, Theo Claus."

"Jesus, Charlie, you're the worst sometimes."

"You love it, though."

"I do. I actually did get you a present, though, when I was in Paris."

"Oh, really? What is it?"

"God, you're such a brat; can't even wait a few days until I'm back in the States."

"When are you coming back exactly?"

"Like early morning on New Year's Eve. That's when we're supposed to land in Philadelphia and then probably back home by midday."

"I'll be back before you then."

"We should talk when I get back."

"We're talking now."

"But we need to talk face-to-face and sober. This is serious, Charlie, and I don't want what I think will come next to happen when we're thousands of miles from each other and over facetime."

"I know it is. Wait, I just realized I was too drunk to text so we facetimed..."

Charlie proceeded to start singing the 21 Savage song, I'm too drunk to text so can we facetime? I won't waste your time if you won't waste mine.Theo couldn't help his laugh at Charlie's antics.

"C'mon, man," Charlie broke character, "you were supposed to do the ad-libs."

"I suppose I'm not as well versed in straight culture as you are."

"Hey! I take offense to that."

"I mean, you should, but it doesn't mean it isn't true. Charlie, I have to go downstairs soon. I think I'm holding up my family's Christmas morning celebrations and you should really get some sleep. You look tired."

"You're probably right."

"I always am."

"I think we both know that isn't true."

"Got me there.""Hey, Theo?"

"Yes, Charlie?"

"What does the sky look like from where you are?"

"Pretty cloudy, to be honest. My younger cousins were hoping it'd snow."

"I hope they get their wish. The sky is pretty clear where I am. I can see, like, all the stars."

"There you go again obsessing over the sky."

"Hark! The herald angels sing: Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled, Joyful, all ye nations rise, Join the triumph of the skies," Charlie sang, horribly off-key.

"You can take a boy out of Catholic school, but you can't take the Catholic school out of the boy."

"I resent that."

"God, you so need to go to bed, like right now."

"Can you stay on until I fall asleep?" Charlie asked innocently and punctuated it with a yawn.

"Of course, always," Theo promised.

By the end of Theo's reply, though, Charlie was already out cold and even starting to snore a bit. Theo kept watching his screen, with only half of Charlie's face visible due to his wrist slacking in his sleep, for several minutes until he felt it was becoming weird for him to stay there.

Theo ended the facetime call and put his phone in his pajamas' pocket before making his way downstairs, to where his extended family was likely gathered. He probably missed breakfast, but Theo couldn't find himself caring. He'd happily trade never having breakfast again for the conversation he just had. Okay, maybe that was a little much, Theo thought on reconsideration.

Still, as he descended the staircase of his grandparents' house, he couldn't help but wonder what the conversation would actually mean and what would come of it in the New Year. He couldn't do anything about it now, though, so he resolved to distract himself with his family's holiday festivities. That plan was only a mild success. He just couldn't get the boy half a world away out of his head.

Charlie's Christmas Day wasn't much better. Probably worse, actually, because he had a massive hangover in the morning. He also had an awkward encounter with Jack at the resort's breakfast buffet. Charlie's mom had decided that Christmas would be the only day her children would have to spend together for the whole vacation and Charlie had become used to doing his own thing.

It was probably for the best, he decided, because he was only able to resist the urge to call Theo once more because he didn't want his family to witness how much of a simp he was for the other boy.

Around noon in Colorado, Theo texted Charlie asking how his hangover was and telling him to "go easy on the eggnog today." Charlie responded, "only milk and cookies for me today. And aspirin can't forget that."

 

Chapter 26

With one side of their extended family separated from them by an ocean, the Broussards were expert air travel passengers. Theo had mastered the art of sleeping on a plane during an overnight, transcontinental flight, no easy task to say the least.

He'd had the same neck pillow since he was twelve and it still did the job. Sleeping also meant he had a too-brief respite from worrying about the fate of his relationship with Charlie. They'd kept up texting in the days since their emotionally-charged facetime, but with the time difference and familial obligations of the holidays, their communication was sporadic and superficial at best.

This torturous purgatory had left Theo alone with his thoughts, principally his doubts, and that was never good. He fretted over whether their whole conversation was even real or just a figment of his imagination. He tried to push all that into the deepest corner of his mind as the plane taxied on the runway in Philadelphia.

His cherished neck pillow had stayed around his neck as he exited the aircraft and through baggage claim. It was just one less thing to worry about when one also had to manage a backpack and a suitcase. As they went through customs and exited baggage claim, they passed through the doors leading to the arrivals lobby.

They weren't expecting anyone to be there for them, as their car was currently in the airport's parking lot. Theo thought his eyes were deceiving him when he saw Charlie standing there, seemingly waiting for him, with a big handmade sign that read "WELCOME HOME BROUSSARDS," with the subtitle "(BUT ESP. THEO)."

Theo imagined dropping his bags and running over to Charlie for a big, romcom-style public display of affection, but he'd stopped in his tracks and was too stunned to move, much to the anger of the people behind him, for whom Theo was now an obstacle between them and leaving the airport. Finally, Theo regained control of his legs and got out of the way of the disgruntled travelers and joined his family around Charlie.

He was still nearly-speechless, though, "Charlie, why...? How did you...?"

"I would be responsible for the how," Mrs. Broussard informed her son. "Young Charles texted me a few days ago to ask me when our flight would be landing and which terminal we'd be leaving from and I happily supplied him with that information."

"As for the why, I think that's a conversation for the two of you," Mr. Broussard chimed in, as he led the rest of the family away to give the two teenagers some space.

"I couldn't wait to see you and I'm actually supposed to go to Julia and Tate's for New Years' Eve, so it'd have been a few more days before I saw you if I hadn't come here."

"Oh," Theo said, becoming aware that their time together would be brief if Charlie had to hit the road again soon, in the opposite direction.

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck with his hands, in obvious nervousness, before asking "unless you'd want to come to New York with me, for New Year's?"

"I don't know if..."

"I already cleared it with you mom, don't worry. She surprisingly doesn't hate me," Charlie chuckled as he said that last bit.

"Then, let's do it," Theo said with a smile.

________________________________________________

Charlie and Theo left the airport after a short conversation with the latter's parents, in which Mrs. Broussard went through a litany of safety instructions and Mr. Broussard just gave Charlie a suspicious look the entire time, before giving him a really firm handshake as they departed. Charlie wasn't exactly sure what to make of it, but he tried to reserve judgment on that. They didn't make it very far by car.

Charlie only drove them to Trenton, a short trip from the airport, so they could take NJ Transit into the city. After they'd exchanged farewells with Theo's family, the boy had been mostly quiet on the ride to Trenton, primarily staring out the car window at the passing scenery. Once the train started moving, it was more of the same. They were traveling at an odd time between rush hours so their car was mostly empty. Eventually, Charlie decided to break the tension.

"Did I read this whole thing wrong?" He whispered, so as not to disturbed the other passengers.

"What?" Theo's response was that singular, confused word.

"Like, should I not have surprised you at the airport?"

"Of course, you should have. Charlie, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me and, to be honest, I'm pretty sure you hold at least the top five sweetest things anyone's ever done for me."

"Then why have you been so quiet?"

"I guess I'm just in shock, honestly."

"I didn't know I'd had that effect."

"Of course you do. You've always had that effect on me."

"It's just that I think about how much time we wasted—correction, I wasted—when we could have been together if I hadn't been so stupid."

"You're not stupid, Charlie."

"I sure as hell act like it sometimes. Why couldn't I have just sucked it up and been willing to be out with you from the start? You're so much braver than I am."

"It just seems that way. I never had to be as brave as you."

"I should have been brave for you and I wasn't."

"Well, I should've been more supportive and not pushed you. You would've come out on your own time."

"No, I don't think I would've. I was too used to being one of the guys and, for some reason, I valued that over being who I am. I didn't want to give up that privilege I had."

"You're spiraling, Charlie. There's no sense litigating the past."

"You've changed so much since we were together before, though. I missed so much of your life that I should have been there for."

"And same here, but we'll be there for each other from now on."

"Is this your way of asking me to prom?" Charlie asked with a chuckle.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Holloway. Let's get through tonight first and, if anything, you owe me a promposal first."

"Oh, that's supposed to be on me?"

"It's only fair."

Charlie quirked his right eyebrow at that but didn't say anything, instead looking out his window as the train went through a tunnel under the Hudson and New Jersey disappeared from view. They soon gathered their belongings and exited the car into the crowd of Penn Station. Charlie took Theo by the hand and led him through the throngs of tourists and travelers into the connected subway station.

They were a bit confused by the process of getting MetroCards, but once that was figured out, they went down to 4th Street on the A train. Their train car was packed and the two were smushed up against each other for the entire ride, which neither really minded.

They emerged from 4th Street and started making their way to Julia and Tate's apartment on the other side of Washington Square Park. However, they did take a brief detour to stop in the park, which was covered in the rapidly-descending snowfall.

Theo had kept his hand attached to Charlie's and dragged him into the park, on the pretense of taking pictures. Once they were in a perfect spot, Theo turned around to face Charlie and just hugged him.

Chapter 27

Tate and Julia's apartment building was a bit of a ways off from the park. Charlie and Theo passed by dozens of people on their way, many of whom were already in full revelry for the night ahead, even though it wasn't even dinnertime. They reached the building and discovered it to be a relatively modern building among many older ones in the East Village.

Charlie pressed the button corresponding to their apartment and within a few seconds, he heard Julia's voice telling him she'd buzz him in from the speaker and then a dull buzzing sound coming from the doorframe. Charlie almost didn't process in time that he was meant to open the door at that moment, but Theo ultimately was able to rescue the situation and push the door open before time expired.

The teenagers then made their way past the guard at the front desk in the building's lobby. The older man regarded them with a look of suspicion but said nothing as the two made their way to the elevators, which took them to their friends' floor.

Charlie took charge of knocking on the door to announce their arrival and Tate was the one to open the door, wearing a "comedic" holiday sweater where the joke seemed to be that the word "ho" was inscribed on it about a million times. He also had on a paper party hat, which was slightly askew on his head.

Tate greeted them and then led them to the apartment's kitchen, where Julia was tending to party preparations. It was not yet six o'clock and other guests wouldn't be arriving until later, but Charlie and Theo had arrived early because they would be spending the night there.

Julia immediately embraced Charlie and eventually Theo was pulled into their hug as well. Not wanting to be left out, Tate then joined in on the periphery of this impromptu group hug. Tate then showed Charlie and Theo to the guest room. It was only then it really hit Theo how rich Tate's parents must be to afford such a nice East Village apartment that had a spare room.

Tate, he realized, would be the type of person he loathed if he didn't actually know him. Tate didn't necessarily flaunt his wealth, but he made no effort to conceal it either. After they got settled, Julia asked what they'd want to do for dinner, since they'd be getting delivery and Theo suggested Chinese food.

They passed around the menu for a place called Golden Dragon that had come with Julia and Tate's last order from the place as they decided what they'd be getting. They each got their own thing as well as an order of fried wontons.

"I thought wontons only came in the soup," Charlie said absentmindedly, but quickly realized how provincial that must've sounded.

Tate laughed a bit, but Julia replied "that's just how the Chinese place in Brewer does it. Most places have the fried wontons and the soup."

She'd managed to say that without any of the condescension that Tate was so effortless at. He was a bit of dick, but still a good person to have around and he clearly made Julia happy. When the food arrived, Julia sent Tate down to retrieve it.

Two years ago, Charlie wouldn't have put money on them getting together at all, nevermind having a relationship exceeding a month, but here they were and Tate was so obviously at Julia's beck-and-call. As they ate, Charlie loudly proclaimed he preferred the fried wontons over wonton soup.

"Julia always saves a few for the next morning to have for breakfast," Tate declared, earning an elbow to the side from Julia and scrunched faces from the other couple.

"Really?" Theo asked, a little taken aback.

"Don't knock it 'till you try it," Julia intoned.

Shortly after they were done eating, the other partygoers started to arrive. Tate started the music from his speaker and the television was turned on to one of the channels covering the Times Square festivities, though muted. Charlie had toyed with the idea of actually going there with Theo, but seeing it on TV he realized how hectic and unappealing the reality of that idea would be.

The partygoers were all friends Julia had made at NYU or Tate had made at his design school. Charlie felt bad, but he couldn't quite remember the name. Charlie and Theo mostly stuck together throughout the night. Charlie nursed the same wine glass for most of the night and Theo kept pace with him.

Eventually, they found themselves on the couch; or rather, Charlie found himself on the couch with Theo on his lap. Julia was seated on the other end of the couch with one of her friends, Marianne, between them. Charlie and Theo were murmuring amongst themselves in between kisses; they were both still very handsy when he was intoxicated. However, Theo's attention was drawn to the two girls' conversation when Marianna mentioned studying abroad in Paris the previous semester.

"Wait, when did you leave?" Theo asked, pulling his head away from Charlie's clutches for the moment.

"I actually stayed until the day after Christmas. My parents came and we spent the holiday together."

"No way. I was in Paris on Christmas Eve. I went to visit a friend at Pantheon-Sorbonne." Theo replied. Charlie bristled at the allusion to Thierry.

"Small world. I had a few classes there and the dorms were right there."

"We may have crossed paths then. I was studying film there."

"What a coincidence! My friend was too."

"What was his name?"

"Thierry Bisset."

"Tall, kinda lanky?"

"That's the one."

"We had a class together. He's hot," Marianna offered. Charlie let out an indignant sound at that, which he considered praise for a vanquished rival.

"How did you like Paris?" Theo asked, quickly changing the subject away from Thierry's attractiveness.

"I really enjoyed it. Highly recommend it as a study abroad destination," Marianne told him.

"I actually applied to Sciences Po for undergrad," Theo admitted.

"You think you could do all of college in French?" Marianne asked, shocked.

"I'm fluent. My mom's from there originally."

Recovering from his initial astonishment, Charlie let out "you applied to a school in Paris?!"

Theo then realized the severity of the revelation he just let slip and quickly went into a mode to assuage Charlie's concerns.

"It's super tough to get into. I probably won't get it."

Charlie, though, was not assuaged and spent the next several minutes stewing over it in his seat on the couch with Theo in his lap as the other boy chatted along with Marianne and Julia. Charlie was only distracted from this when Tate pulled him into a game of rage cage with some of the other guys.

Theo wisely tried to opt-out, but once Marianne and Julia agreed he was the only nonparticipant left so he reluctantly agreed. Charlie and Theo were at a slight advantage playing rage cage given their relative sobriety compared with the college students around them, but no one would be sober for long playing that game.

As the game started, the song "Valentino" by Years & Years started playing from Tate's speakers and Charlie found it quite apropos to his current situation.

Quicker than a flash, he had me at hello

He took me by the hand, we started dancing slowly

I didn't want to get attached but now, I'm far too close

Now, I'm stuck in his melody.

Then, things started getting blurry for Charlie.

Chapter 28

Midnight initially went unnoticed by the partygoers, with all of them seeming to have missed at the countdown and ball drop unfolded on the television screen. They noticed about halfway through "Auld Lang Syne," and drunkenly joined in to sing, For auld lang syne, my jo, For auld lang syne, We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, For auld lang syne.

None of the drunkards-for-the-night quite got the Scottish words right, but no one really noticed at the state they were all in. Charlie held Theo closely through the playing of Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World," and the two shared a deep kiss after the songs were over, as the entire party had agreed on a "do-over" at 12:15am, pretending it to be midnight. Charlie would still claim Theo as his New Years' kiss.

Somehow, Charlie and Theo ended up running out to the corner store at the end of Julia and Tate's block to get a large bag of Doritos (sweet-spicy chili, of course, for Theo) and an Arizona Arnold Palmer tall-boy for Charlie. The couple then ended up on the rooftop of Julia and Tate's building. It was questionable if they were even allowed to be up there, but they were anyway and ended up watching the cityscape as they consumed their junk food and sat back against a wall.

The night air was cold, but the sky itself was clear, the snowstorm having passed out of the city by now. Wind still whipped through the city. Charlie's hair was still somewhat short and his ears were exposed to the elements, causing them to redden. Theo moved closer to Charlie, snuggling into his side. Charlie happily obliged by wrapping his arm around Theo's shoulders, lending him his warmth.

They sat there peacefully and silently for quite a long time. The only sounds were the wind, the city, and the occasional crinkle of Theo's Doritos bag. Charlie hadn't realized how late (or more accurately, early) it was until he started to see the sun's rays peek out of the eastern skyline.

He let out a yawn after checking the time on his phone. Theo whispered something that Charlie couldn't quite hear, causing the latter to ask the former to repeat what he'd said.

"What are we doing here, Charlie?" Theo asked, just barely audibly.

"Are you cold? Tired? Do you want to go back inside?" Charlie asked in return, allowing another yawn to escape his mouth.

"No, not like that. I meant, what are the two of us doing? Are we back together now?" The boy asked, hopefully, if a bit unsure.

"Is that what you want?" Charlie asked, evenly, not wanting to reveal his own excitement at the possibility.

"More than anything."

"Then, yeah, duh, I thought we already were. Back together, that is."

"Well, yeah, it's just that we're both graduating and leaving town in a few months and I didn't know..."

"But we'll be in the same city next year, right? I mean, I know the Upper West Side is a bit of a ways from here, but a subway ride isn't too bad. It's hardly a long distance."

"What?" Theo asked, confusedly, positioning himself a little more upright now.

"I'll be at Columbia and you'll be at NYU, right? I saw you got accepted there."

"I did... I'm just not sure if I'm going to go."

"Really? Why not?"

"I applied to Sorbonne, too. I'm still waiting to hear back, but..."

"Sorbonne?"

"In Paris."

"Why'd you do that?"

"There's this desire I have... to go home," Theo said. He continued when he noticed a look of confusion on Charlie's face.

"Not literally, but France is my homeland and I don't know it as anything more than a tourist. I've realized recently that I don't know who I am and I think a part of it is because I don't know, really, where I came from, but I want to learn. To do that, I think I have to go to Paris."

"But, can't you just, like, study abroad there for a semester or two?" Charlie asked, then realizing, "we can go together! I've been learning French. I'll take classes and we'll be able to experience it together."

"I don't think you're hearing me, Charlie. I need to discover who I am and I think only I can do that. It's like you in this past year or two. You've really found out who you are. You've become this best version of you. You've dealt with the emotional trauma and complexities within yourself. I haven't done that work."

"I can help you."

"I don't think you can. Charlie, I think this is something I need to do."

"You'd rather do some 'self-discovery' thing than be with me again?" Charlie queried. It broke him a little to ask the question, but it also filled him with a latent rage.

"No, I think I have to. Listen, Charlie, if I don't do this I think I'm going to hurt you again. I need to become my best version of myself so I can be that for you, one day."

"We were together for five minutes and you're already breaking up with me?" Charlie asked, a dull irony coating his words.

"No! No, no, no, I'm not saying that. Charlie, I love you more than I've loved anyone or anything on this earth before and I don't believe that will ever change."

"Then, what do you want then?" Charlie replied, resignedly.

"There are five months until graduation and eight until we leave for college. Let's make the most out of that time we do have together. Charlie, we've never really been together for two stretches of a couple weeks at a time. Who knows where we'll be?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"So at best we're just an eight-month relationship until we get separated by an ocean?"

"I wouldn't put it like that..."

"The reason things ended with Lucas, I think, is because we put an unsaid expiration date on things. We knew we wouldn't continue past high school. What will it be like when we have an official end date hanging over us?"

"Well, if we were to make it to eight months... I wouldn't be opposed to long distance."

"Do you really think that'll work?" Charlie asked, a bit more hopeful sounding than he had been.

"I don't know, honestly, but I'd be willing to try, for you, for us."

"We'd have to really commit ourselves to it."

"It wouldn't be so bad. We'd see each other every three months or so. You can spend a semester in Paris and I can spend one in New York. We can trade off summers and breaks where we'll be. I'm willing if you are."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. We haven't proven we can go past two months together, so let's cross that bridge first."

"Agreed," Theo said with a chuckle, then admitting, "I don't want this night to end. This is perfect, being up here with you, in this city."

Chapter 29

Charlie and Theo had debated whether or not to go public with their renewed relationship and even whether to tell their closest friends. They had returned from New York the day after New Years' and spent the balance of the winter break inseparable from each other.

They hardly left the confines of each of their bedrooms for that entire week. In that time, they also had almost no communication with their friends, so none were really aware of any change in their statuses. Theo in particular fretted about their relationship potentially becoming public, worried about Lucas's reaction and also that of some of his friends, who'd had to witness his months-long agony throughout his tumultuous initial tryst with Charlie and its aftermath once things went south between them. His friends, particularly Nolan, were very protective.

Charlie on the other hand was happy either way, knowing that the truth would come out eventually if they lasted, but also cognizant of potential judgments. They still hadn't made a firm decision either way the morning of the first day back to school after the break.

They'd woken up in each other's arms in Charlie's bed, having become unable to separate even for slumber. Theo's parents and Charlie's mom had reluctantly come to accept this situation. None of the parents had directly commented on their reunion, so it was hard for either boy to tell what any of them thought about the matter.

No mention about the topic, which had been the topic of frequent conversation for the past week, occurred while they showered and got ready for school. Charlie drove them to school, occupying his assigned parking spot in the senior lot. He paused for a moment after parking, wondering whether or not Theo would want to go in ahead of him by a few moments to maintain their secrecy.

After a few moments, Theo looked up from his phone screen and asked if Charlie was ready to head in. While Charlie had been in deep consternation, Theo had been idly scrolling through his phone, unaware of his boyfriend's thoughts. As they began walking towards the school building, Charlie felt fingertips tentatively brush against his own, but initially discounted it as unintentional. Then, as they reached the courtyard in front of the main entrance, Theo clasped their hands together. Charlie looked in his boyfriend's direction with shock.

Theo met his eyes and gave his boyfriend a reassuring smile before they passed through the doorway into the building. The two walked to their lockers in the senior wing when they passed Lucas. Charlie could feel Theo physically tense up as the boy gripped his hand tightly upon seeing his boyfriend's ex.

When Lucas spotted them, Charlie saw his eyes momentarily drop to their connected hands; however, there was no look of animosity or rage on his face. Lucas simply looked back up at the two, smiled at them, and then continued about his day, leaving the couple to continue about theirs.

They hung out by Theo's locker until they had to be in homeroom. Out of the corner of his eye, Theo saw Nolan and Jude approach and cringed when he saw the smug look on Jude's face and the unreadable expression on Nolan's.

"I knew it!" Jude loudly proclaimed once the duo reached the couple.

"You two lovebirds still had the hots for each other."

"Well, it hardly took a genius to figure that one out, Sherlock," Theo responded, dryly.

"You got so mad when you found out Charlie was dating Lucas!" Jude proclaimed, gleefully, which earned him a swift elbow to the gut from Nolan.

Charlie gave a blushing Theo a side-eyed smirk at the comment.

"All that really matters is if you're happy," Nolan said, trying to quickly and gracefully move past Jude's shenanigans. "I'm really glad you guys found your way back to each other."

_________________________________________

A few weeks later, Pine Wood's hockey team found themselves in the league championship game against none other than Saint Sebastian's. As Charlie prepared for the game in the locker room, with his boyfriend of over two months now at his side doing the same, he couldn't help but think about where he'd been just two years prior.

He supposed he hadn't realized it at the time, but he was rarely happy in those days. It wasn't often he was explicitly sad, but he just felt like his life and emotions were neutral, in retrospect. Now, he could definitely say that he was happy, maybe for the first time in his adolescence. A big part of that was Theo, of course, but he'd had to do a lot of work on himself to get there.

He didn't know what the future held for Theo and him or even just himself, but he'd come to realize over these past few months that Theo deserved the time to figure himself out too. In a sense, Charlie had been lucky to have been put through this turbulent ringer of emotions at such a relatively young age; he now had his whole life in front of him to live fully and openly as his authentic self. He couldn't deny that opportunity to Theo.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts when he heard Theo asking to borrow some stick tape and realized he hadn't been as prone to introspective reveries as he had been in the past. He concluded then that it must be because he was too busy actually living life now and that made him smile inside. The game itself was nothing dramatic. Since their initial rough patch on the ice, Theo and Charlie had been able to return to their once-indomitable chemistry, so much so that Charlie moved up to right wing, with Theo at center, for Pine Wood's power play line.

Theo tallied four goals and two assists, both to Charlie, in the game, while Charlie tallied three goals and three assists, two of which were to Theo. Pine Wood won the game 10-2. Charlie was defending for the final minute of the game. Their coach had sent him out once Saint Sebastian's pulled their goalie to make it six skaters on five. Charlie blocked a few shots during that last minute. He was scrambling around, more fuelled by pride than any necessity since the game was already well in hand, wanting to keep the final margin as disparate as possible. He took pride in denying Scott any goals that night.

When the final buzzer sounded, the players on the Pine Wood bench rushed over to their teammates on the ice for a celebratory dog pile. Charlie was heading to join them when he was derailed from his trajectory by a force on his right side. Initially thinking the worst and tensing for combat, Charlie relaxed once he'd realized it was Theo enveloping him in a hug.

Charlie removed his helmet and pulled Theo's face upwards to kiss the boy, there in the stadium in front of a few hundred people, something unimaginable to him not too long ago, and he finally felt at home, with himself and with Theo. The kiss was brief as both boys still wanted to take part in the dog pile, which somehow had ended up with Jude at the bottom, jokingly crying out for help.

The medal ceremony felt extra sweet after that when all of his former teammates were compelled to shake his hand, a hand attached to a wrist with a rainbow-colored bracelet. Theo was named the playoff tournament's most valuable player and given his own trophy, while also getting to raise the team's first place trophy. He'd display the former proudly in his Parisian dorm room next school year and the latter would be on display in Pine Wood's half-filled trophy case at school.

Chapter 30

Theo's room had been stripped of many of his personal effects in the past week. Those items which gave a teenager's room life—the posters, the pictures and postcards, the random trinkets, the childhood keepsakes—were all tightly packed into brown cardboard boxes carefully labelled and sitting in Mr. Broussard's car, awaiting tomorrow's journey.

The furniture was still there, by and large, although without those things which gave the room life, Charlie thought the room resembled a body stripped of its skin and organs, with only a skeleton remaining. Within these skeletal confines, Theo and Charlie found themselves enjoying a last meal together, which happened to be from Reynoso's, the site of many milestones in their relationship.

It was August now. The school year had come to a close; prom, AP tests, graduation, senior week, and grad parties all passed by in a blur. Charlie felt like he could hardly recall any time between the county championship game and mid-June, but the past two months, he believed, would be permanently etched into his memory. He'd seen Theo every day, basically all day, for sixty-three days and counting now. The two had resolved to make the most of their limited time left together.

Theo had fretted about them hitting a rough patch during that blurry whirlwind of their high school denouement, but instead of letting any emotions fester to the point of resentment, he'd managed to be straightforward with Charlie and tell him how he felt. That's when they'd committed to their two months of inseparability. Now, even that must come to a close now as Theo had a plane ticket for Charles DeGaulle Airport dated tomorrow.

They wouldn't see each other in the flesh until winter break, four months from now, but neither wanted to think about that at the moment. The two were silent as they picked at their burgers and fries, which had come in those metallic takeout containers that were probably horrendous for the environment, but managed to provide a nostalgic sense of security for Theo in that moment. He'd miss the American-ness of it all once he left, he'd come to realize.

Neither boy wanted to address that Sword of Damocles hanging over them: Theo's imminent departure, so both resolved to say nothing at all. That is, until Charlie started not-so-covertly swiping Theo's fries.

"Hey!" Theo protested, "eat your own damn fries. These are the last ones I'm going to have for months."

"That can't be true. You're telling me there aren't any French fries in France."

"Well, of course there are, but none like Reynoso's."

"Fair. Is that what you're going to miss the most then?" Charlie winced at the inadvertent sincerity and naked vulnerability of his question, in context.

"You should know that's not what I'm going to miss the most."

Charlie schooled his expression to a smile, "I know I just want to hear you say it."

Theo moves from his sitting position to up on his knees so that he is now face-to-face with his boyfriend, "you, Charles Francis Xavier Holloway, will be what I miss the most when I leave here."

Charlie's smile shifted to a smirk before he surged forward to connect Theo's own smirk with his. Their lip lock was relatively brief, however.

"I take it back. I think kissing you is what I'm going to miss the most," Theo proclaimed, probably joking but definitely out of breath.

"I'll miss you so much. I can't bear to think about how in twelve hours you won't be here anymore," Charlie admitted.

"I hope you know I feel the same way. It feels like I'm wrenching my heart out of my chest," Theo concurred.

"What will become of us?"

"I don't know. I didn't think we'd last this long, eight months, if I'm being honest. But, we're eighteen. We've got our whole lives ahead of us to figure it out."

"It's just since I can remember it's felt like my default emotion has been this neutral feeling, sometimes veering into happiness or sadness, but mostly just a nothingness, but now, in these past few months, I've actually been happy, like all the time. I know it's selfish but I don't want it to end."

"I don't want it to end either. You need to know, Charlie, that I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think it was something I absolutely had to do."

"I know that," Charlie said, as Theo gently wiped a tear from his boyfriend's eye, "but it still sucks."

"That it does."

"I can't lie. I'm still kinda mad at you for leaving, but I'm proud of you at the same time."

"I'm mad at myself, if that's any consolation. I wish I didn't feel like I had to do this."

"But you do, so you must."

"I will always love you, no matter what happens in a month, a year, a lifetime. You just need to know that, Charlie."

"The same is true for me, Theo. I think in some shape or form we'll always be in each other's lives."

__________________________

As Charlie left the airport the next morning with the rump Broussard clan (Mrs. Broussard was going to Paris for a few days to help Theo settle in), he kept this hope alive that at some point Theo would turn around, maybe at the TSA kind, maybe at the gate, or maybe just before the plane doors close for takeoff, and race back for a dramatic reunion with him like in one of those cheesy romcom they had watched together that summer.

But, that didn't happen. Charlie watched the sky as Mr. Broussard drove away from the airport parking lot, just as they reached the limits of the city, a plane flew overhead. It could've been Theo's; it probably wasn't, but this is when Charlie fully realized the reality of their separation.

There would be texts, and emails, and calls, and FaceTimes, and maybe even letters, but nothing could make up for the feeling of Theo's body in proximity to his—not sexually, but simply intimately. It'd be a long time before that'd happen again and Charlie knew he had to accept it. Charlie was upset that his romcom fantasy never came true, but his emotional well-being wasn't deteriorating like when Emma Watson left Logan Lerman for college in Perks of Being a Wallflower. Charlie owed that to his maturation in the past year and the work he'd put in with therapy.

He wasn't the person whom Theo had first encountered all those years ago, but the change was for the better this time. In a few short days, Charlie would be starting his own journey when he moved into his Columbia dorms.

Change is inevitable; it's the only constant in life. Charlie had finally found his home, in Theo, and now he'd had to wait until he could return. He accepted that, but it still made him feel like shit.

What a world of possibilities awaited Charlie. Some of those possibilities included Theo, but others didn't. They were a huge part of each other's lives but not not their whole lives. They were eighteen; there'd be plenty of time for that, if it's meant to be. Charlie had accepted that he can't perfect the world, he can only better himself and he's okay with that.

The End.

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