Dear ________

Dear ________,

You have stolen my mind.

Every hour of every day I find myself thinking of you, imagining what we could be together--what we are when we are together! Your contagious smile lifts my heart, your laugh reminds me why jokes exist, and your concerns truly consume my waking thoughts. I see us traveling the world, seeing things we've only imagined, carefree and full of life, free of the chains wrapped around our chests. With the wind behind our back, the sunset at our face, nothing exists but the two of us. We share our heartaches and deepest secrets, comfort and confide in each other. Our tears are ours, OURS to share, not just mine and yours alone.

It's heaven. We remake each other.

Then I wake up from the dream. The daydream.

The wishes.

You don't feel this way, and you never will. And I understand that. I haven't made peace with it, but I understand. I was in that same boat not three months ago. Gee, putting it that way makes it seem trivial, fickle, nothing more than a crush.

You know what, maybe it is nothing more than a crush. Maybe it is just infatuation. So what? That doesn't change what I feel. That doesn't remove the gap that's been inside my soul since the instant I realized that I care, but that you never will. You'll never love me like that; you'd never marry me. Our futures aren't tangled together in real life, just in my head. Just... Just my future. My future is tangled around the ideal of you, the you I want so badly, the you I worship without even realizing. But I'm not even in your future. You'll move on. Find someone who can give you everything you want, and be the happiest you've ever been.

And I'll be as lonely as ever.

But it's not your fault. I put myself in this position. It's my fault that I feel this way. I don't deserve you-- I'm entitled to nothing. My heart disagrees with every beat, and my feet step towards this imaginary future every time I forget to watch where I'm going, but that means nothing in the end. My feelings don't change reality, they just determine how I perceive it.

It hurts.

But I'll survive.

- You-know-who

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