You're a liar. You said I was the one. You told me you loved me and that I made you happy. You said I was different to all the other girls you'd met. You acted like what we had was real. You pretended to wordhip the ground I walked on.
But it was all fake. Every bit of it. Everything you said was a load of bullshit. Everything we had was a lie, but I blame myself because I missed all the signs. I was right to call you a fuckboy.My first instinct was correct.
You're good at what you do, I'll give you that. There's one thing I dont think you've realised yet ; you can fake feelings and you can fake a smile, but your eyes dont lie. You can always see the truth in someone's eyes. I saw it, just for a moment. I wasnt sure what it was at the time, but now I know.
I feel like such a fool for falling for you. Falling for all your bullshit, all the lies. But go ahead, laugh at the girl who loved too easy. Atleast I have a heart. Atleast I have feelings. Dont even bother apologising. You're not sorry. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I've never accidently told someone I loved them when I didn't. Dont even try your crap and say you did love me, because if you did, you're love obviously doesnt mean very much. The way you throw that word around.
Ha. You think you've won. You think you won the game, because that's all I ever was to you. Well, guess what? You're a fuckboy and I dont see no trophy with your name on it. Yeah, you broke my heart, shattered it, but you're not that special. My father broke my heart before any man ever could.
I hope you're happy. No, seriously I do, because that's what love is. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I constantly felt bad for you. Said you didnt deserve the childhood you ended up with. I hated your parents, anyone who ever hurt you. I still feel the same. You never deserved any of it, just like I didnt deserve the shit you put me through. I was always worried about you. Terrified. I'd be up at 3am in the morning, worrying about whether you were okay.
In a way, I hate you for making me fall so hard. You're the only guy I've ever loved. I compare every man to you, why did you do that to me? But you know what? Break my heart. Break it a thousand times if you'd like. It was only ever yours to break anyway. Being nice to people is like smoking ; It's better if you never started it. I gave you a chance you never deserved. I knew you were trouble, but I still gave it to you because I was scared I was going to wake up one day and realise I should've tried harder.
I keep asking myself : how many times does he have to hurt you before you finally just let go? Maybe I never will. They say a first love is the hardest, and no matter how how you try, that feeling just never goes away. How many times do I need to get hurt before I no longer give a fuck? Im starting to lose all the feelings I once had. You tipped me over the edge. Pushed me too far. Ha, you just fucked my last nerve.
I love you. I really do, eventhough you never deserved it.