Dear Mum,

Sometimes when I’m all alone, I look in the mirror, I can see your eye’s looking back at me, then suddenly I’m taken back in time, I wanna go back there even though it’s the worst night of my life, even though it cut’s me like a knife, but if I could just go back in time to you at a better moment, A moment when you could smile, it does work that way, you can’t choose it, that dreadful night over powers every memory I have of you, I try though in hope that just one time I might be able to go back to where your smiling and happy without the interruption of the nightmare of the car sliding, the sight of the small tree directly before us on the side the road and the realisation that we are going to slide over the edge of the embankment, the worst of my fears unfolding before my eyes. Glass and blood spinning, loud smashing and crashing, I close my eyes tightly, when everything stops I hear brother screaming, I climb out of the car, I’m in shock heavily, I find you on the ground, my brother and I go for help. The thing is that when I go back in time to this moment, to this nightmare, as much as I hate this moment, it is the moment I’m willing re-live over and over again if I have to because it’s the one thing that brings me back to you, it’s that one moment that won’t leave me alone, the moment hate most of all, yet that same moment is the only one that lets me see you, really feel you, 25 years have passed me by and I don’t know will I ever escape this moment, this state of shock and replace it with a good memory of you, a good memory that still takes me back to you, and maybe one day I when I go to the mirror and see you through my eye’s, I will wake with a smile and the tears will be gone because I feel you hugging me mum, and can hear telling me “I love you my little pumpkin cherry pie!”

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