Dear You-Part Five

Dear You,

I went on a few dates and one guy stuck around for about two months, I guess I messed that up to because in the end he left. I don't know what I did wrong but maybe he knew I was still in love with you,I am still in love with you. You are the one I dream about, the one I think of day and night.

I remeber every detail of you, I have you memorized. I remeber your light halo of golden curls damp with sweat on the beach or the way they fell across your forehead in your sleep, I remeber your laugh the real and the fake on; the real one is higher piched and breathy, an exhale of happiness, the fake one was kind of nervous and less happy. I remeber the smell of your strawberry shampoo and your ax body wash. I rember the dimples that only appear when you are a smiling excited mess. I remeber your deep hazel eyes that I could get lost in for hours. I remeber the constellation of pale freckles across your eyelids, I remeber the long white scar on your left shoulder blade. I remeber the deep breath that signaled you were asleep, I remeber the way your mouth made an O shape when you were surprised, and I remeber the way your muscels would clinch tight when you were angry or scared. I remeber everything.

I remeber the night I told you I loved you; it was five months after the night you first stayed over and this time we were at your house, I could feel my chest tightening and my throat closing, I couldn't breath. You asked,'Babe, what is wrong?' Your hand was pressed to my right cheeck, the other making circles on my thigh, and I said it,'I love you.' You sat frozen in time; mouth agape, muscels clenched, and then you smiled. 'I love you, too.' You said it back and deep down I had a bad feeling, like somehting was stuck wrong but I ignored it.

I should've known when you hesitated, when you froze. I chose to ignore it, I chose to let you break my heart. I let this happen, it is my fault. I am the reason that you are lying asleep in someone elses arm, I am the reason that I am wide awake writing this stupid letter I will never send, I am the reason I love you.

I am sorry.

Forever and Always yours.

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