I was the new girl. I was just me, nothing more, nothing less. I can’t say I brought joy to the small town because I didn’t. The only thing I brought was an addition to the population. When I came here I didn’t expect much. It was just a new town with a few new faces but the same personalities as the people from my old school. I knew my parents would still be the same, my dad would still be working illegally, my mom would keep changing jobs and when my father and her weren’t fighting or working my mom would be focusing on my brother, but as soon as I was “bad” for those few moments I was the one that had their attention. But then when things would calm down my dad would be back to sleep on the couch and my mom would be back on the computer. All the while both of them making me cook, clean, and parent my brother. They were forcing me to grow up faster than I had to. Most kids my age could say they had all these friends. Me? I didn’t have time for that. Also I was very reserved keeping all of my emotions inside thinking there was no one that could be there for me. I was always made fun of by the other kids. They picked on me because I had low self-esteem, no friends, and ugly clothes., but to Him that didn’t matter.
It was December 16th when we met. I was 10 and he was 11. I was outside attempting to build a snowman.
“Hey, can I help?” I look over only to find a boy on the other side of the fence.
“Okay.” I tell him skeptically not knowing if this is a trick or not.
When he gets in the yard we start to build but I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure he’s not doing something behind my back. After a few minutes of silence we start to talk.
“My name is Daniel, but you can call me Danny if you want to.”
“My name‘s Brittney.”
“Are you new?”
“Yeah, I just moved here.”
“My parents wanted too.”
“Yeah. So do you go to school?”
“Yes, but it’s a private school.”
“That‘s too bad. I don‘t have many friends at school, or anywhere.”
“Me neither. I’ll be your friend.”
Letting my guard down I eagerly responded.
“I‘d like that.”
(I never had a friend. A few animals but that was as close as it got.)
“It‘s really cold out here.” He said.
“Of course it is, it‘s winter.” We both laughed.
“I think I‘m going to go inside to get a drink and warm up for a bit.”
“I’ll be right here.”
He started to walk away then turned around.
“Do you want to come with?”
“I‘d like that just let me go ask.”
He waits outside while I go in and tell my parents I was leaving. When I get back outside we start walking to his house. He starts to tell me about his mom and how she’s sick. Then we get to his house, but before he opens the door he tells me not to judge him. “I would never judge you.” I said reassuring him that he could trust me we walk in. I seen why he told me not to judge him the house was a mess, the only lighting they had was a neon blue. There were syringes, white powder on the coffee table, thin paper, and empty pill and liquor bottles everywhere. Then as we walk down the hall way we hear faint pouting. We get to the bedroom where the noises are coming from and we find a man and a woman, we were just old enough to realize what they were doing. Daniel shuts the door the whole way and that immediately shut out all the noise. When we make our way to Danny’s bedroom I was shocked to find how small it was. All that was in the room was a tiny old baby mattress, a small stack of clothes, and a board game. So we sat on the floor and played chutes and ladders for 3 full hours. Then I seen it was getting late (I had to look at the clock in the hallway) so I went home. The next day after school he came over again and we played outside. A few days went by and before I knew it, it was time for Christmas break I was so happy that I could get away from school and I could play with Danny all day. That night Danny came over and this time we were in my house. We were laying on my bed watching TV. Then during a commercial I had asked him what he wanted for Christmas.
“What‘s Christmas?” He responded.
“What‘s Christmas? Christmas is only the best day ever. You get presents for no reason!” I said excitedly.
“Oh. I‘ve never had a Christmas.”
“How could you have not had a Christmas?”
“I don‘t know my dad never thought it was important.”
“Have you ever had a birthday party?”
“No..” He said frowning.
“Well, I‘m going to throw you a birthday party and you can spend Christmas with me.”
“You‘re my best friend.”
“You’re mine too.”
He went home right after the movie we talked through went off. The next day on Christmas eve I threw him a party. I got ice cream, tastykakes, and found some balloons. I took some of my toys that were in pretty good shape and rapped them in paper so he could open them. He was thrilled. When our two person party was over we were tired so we fell asleep on my bed. I guess no one noticed he was there because in the morning he was still right by my side. When my brother and I woke up my parents we all went out to open presents even Danny (I let him open most of mine). When the presents were opened me and Danny took them to my room and started separating. I got the girly ones and he got the crafts. That was the best day either of us had in a while.
A few years went by and now I was 15. We were still as close as possible not a day went by that we didn’t see each other. One night we went to see a movie together then out for smoothies. He gave me money then told me to order. It was cold so before I went he gave me his jacket. While I’m in line I get a text and it’s from Danny. It said to look in the right pocket. I did and there was a little box. I opened it and when I did tears flooded my eyes. It was a ring. When I looked back he was right behind me, got down on one knee and proposed. Immediately I said yes. There was no thinking about it, we both knew we would never find another and we were in love. About four months later we decided to get intimate. The next week he told me him and some friends were going to go see his mom because she’s getting worse and the doctors don’t know what’s wrong and so he invited me to go. I started to flip out I said that it was because of what we did that if he needed a break all he had to do was say so and I threw the ring he had given me at him. I knew that he didn’t need a break though. We were open enough with each other that he would have just told me I knew that it was because of his mom that he had to go I was just being hard headed. We were both broken. Later that night Danny and his friends left. Around 3 in the morning I got a call from Danny’s phone a police officer said that he was in a car accident and was severely injured. I started to bawl. I was asking them so many questions the only one they answered was what hospital is he at. I left immediately. When I got to the hospital there Danny was hooked up to so many different machines and wires it was an image I will never get out of my head. I started to cry even harder, he reached out and grabbed my hand. I was startled. He told me he loved me, then put something in my hand. It was the ring! He never let it go. I smiled and told him I loved him too. I felt so bad to see him just so helpless. I wanted to do something but I couldn’t.
“ You’re still my best friend.” He told me.
“You’re mine too.”
“I love you with all of my heart I really do, I want you to know that.”
“I‘m sorry for starting the fight I know you would have just tol..” He stopped me
“It doesn‘t matter now it‘s done. I‘m just glad I get to see your face one last time.”
“Don‘t say that! You‘re going to live and we‘ll be happy. I‘ll be your and you‘ll be mine like we always said.”
“Brittney, we will. It‘s just I‘ll be watching over you now and hoping you‘ll be happy and what else did we always say.?”
“What‘s meant to be will be.”
“But this isn‘t supposed to happen.”
“Baby, this is how it works. Besides I think I was already dead but woke up because I wanted to tell you I love you. I couldn‘t leave things the way they were.”
Daniel and I lay holding one another and we fall asleep only difference is I woke up. Daniel died on December 16TH, as well as his 4 other friends. They were hit by a drunk driver who had lived and is only serving 3 years in jail. The night Danny died I tried to kill myself so I could be with him where ever he is but my “parents” called 911 and instead of dying I found out I was pregnant. Then just five days later Daniels mom passed on the 21st due to heart failure. A few weeks later I was in my second trimester so I had to go to the doctor for a routine checkup. They did an ultrasound and found no heartbeat. They said my son had died due to a blood infection. There are three stones that sit in a line creating only a faded memory of what once was my family.
Now, I’m back to having no one. But I still think of him everyday. I think of when we met, the time we spent together, the memories I now have, and I think of what could have been. There has been two guys since Daniel but none of them can even compare to what we had and I won’t settle for anything less. Sometimes I pick up pain pills and a razor thinking I could end it all. But would it? Would it give me back anything I had lost? Sometimes I wish it could have been me and not him. At least now I can say I felt love and I was never once happy until I was with him but I wish that I had living proof.