I hate that people say “I have depression.” They say it likes it’s a disease or a sickness… technically yes, it’s sickness but it isn’t like it’s contagious. They talk about it likes it’s a ghost and it’s not a big deal, like “oh, you’re depressed? Maybe you should live a little or laugh a little… or you know just get out of bed.”
Depression is something that is sadness, loneliness, and this feeling like you could be in a room with a thousand people, but still feel the most isolated and alone you’ve ever felt… it’s a feeling not a sickness. It’s a mood not a disease. So instead when people say, “I have depression…” they should say, “depression has me.” Depression has me and I feel like I’m drowning, drowning in hate, and drowning in fear. Wanting to die, to go anywhere but here.
Depression has me, and I’m feeling like a bother, feeling unwanted, like anyone who I try to talk to or tell has more important stuff and my problems just aren’t there. I’m trying to breathe but I’m failing. Failing to lift up the burdens holding me down, trying to let go but they are holding their ground. I’ve got thousands of pounds weighing me down, bubbling over the surface, but I keep pushing them down, because I NEED to wear a smile not wear a frown.
The only place I find comfort is in the sheets of my bed, but even then, I have visions of me dying in my head. So, I tell myself keep my head up, I’ll be fine, but deep down I know that I’m lying.
Author Notes: I don't have depression. Depression has me...