Desperation

Today I had a dream in which I died. Everyone was gathered to see my broken body after a long agony. Inside the coffin I opened my eyes I noticed something, it was you, holding a rose in your hand. I saw your face, instead of showing sadness you had a beautiful smile on your face, a smile that showed great inner peace (As glad if I had died, how bad it hurts my heart).Then someone else comes, who I couldn't recognize, she cries and screams to heaven for a second chance. Who cursed God for bringing me to my end. I could see that she was my mother, she was suffering the worst pain of all (hopefully someday you could forgive me) .. I wanted to move but my legs didn't respond,my arms fail me, my breathing is agitated, I begin to despair, cry, try to attract attention but nobody seemed to hear, it was all in vain, it was best to wait .. Someone arrives, I hear a door opening, and comes to my coffin, and says, "Here is someone who didn’t wanted to live, someone who was not happy, someone who wasted his life" .. His words were like thorns stabbing me, I wanted to come back so bad .. Only the dim light of a little candle illuminated the room where layed my body .. I begin to tremble and become afraid .. God, I don't want to relive that again .. I see the sun rise once again, that joy, I really appreciate that moment, a moment perhaps that I wanted to be alive, to watch more sunrises .. (But do not return to the past and we must move on). Everybody is here again, but now all around me, praying, all the eyes staring at me .. Is the second day, and I felt overwhelmed, it was a vivid dream, and I wanted to return to reality, and try once more to be a better person .. I cried and screamed again, and nobody heard, I screamed for any type of answer. Every second I screamed but it didn’t work .. Night comes, I see my mother talking to someone about something I didn’t hear very well but the word starts with "c", hope it's not what I'm thinking I must find a way out and it must be fast .. The candle is still on, illuminating the room. (Someone please wake me and tell me I'm dreaming!) Is the third day, but today there is no people around, I don’t hear voices or crying, or murmur, everything is dark .. Someone opens my cuffin, it was my father, he was leaving something in my hands,I would had taken his hand, but my body did not respond. He left between them, a small wooden heart, a very appreciated gift, (I wish I had spent more time with him, if only I had ..) And the coffin is raised, "Where are you taking me?!" I start yelling "I'm here!" "I am alive", "Don't you hear my screams ?!!". Everything stops, I feel I’m being put down, I hear voices, but I do not understand what is happening .. The coffin begins to move, I scream and shout with desesperation without results, I begin to mourn. The words just don’t go out of my mouth, blood starts to come out from my mouth, I start feeling very warm, I guess this is my ending , but there is hope, my arm moves, the other one too, I begin to move, and start hitting everything, I started screaming, I had my voice back, apparently I was waking up, I see a light at the end, I see my room and yelled "This is nothing but a dream," "This is a dream, this cannot be real" I opened my eyes and found myself in the same place in the same coffin, living it all over again, only now it was real ..

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