خُوابَ کوٽا سِڪا
DREAMS ARE COUNTERFEIT COINS
(A Short Story from Sindhi Literature)
Author: Mazhar Abro Translated by: Hafeez Darban.
With open eyes, I and she dreamed from nine months. During these dreams of broad day light, we crossed all the hindrances of time and place, limits in chaos. Child nourished in her abdomen always played on our breast but in thought.
We loved child restraint starting slow, slow creeping, joking only joking, his UN cleared pronunciation of speaking were our weaknesses. “Would that be any child who calls us Mom and Dade, and in our smallest home with his innocence tricks create charm and happiness, joy and pleasure. With other children he must transgress by lighting, and broke the mirrors, pots and in fear hide into corner of house in guile.” It was our blood sucking wish, but that was to be completed. After four abortions it was first child nourished in her breath, for that cause we had started to create ambitious aims and themes of the life. But before that, life had the spring season and lights leaves had bloomed into the air, cloud had dropped water on the gray land, along with blue sky all was useless drust for us. It was first event, when time had coloured the life and created strange reflex on the existence.
Aloft span after we had placed the feet on the land of dreams, so our days were murmuring and innocents, and nights bathed with silvers. In these days our thoughts were floated into the bluish colour of sky and sparkling of stars. A greatest relaxes sucked into our existence. I became obdurate like that child which when watches stars in the gloomy night omnipotent to catch them with smaller hands. Same feelings were also on her face, as on the God at the time of creation.
Our thoughts were that in future, taking birth will be same essentials; vital was first child of universe because it was achieved by us after greatest hardships. We were not agreeing to bear more wrath of fate again. All happies with that creation we have to achieve, which relax our heart and award coldness to our eyes, but fear of vanquish always tortured the minds. We usually were planning about his future. She had said “I will place our love’s creation in the brightness of the eyes.” And it was mine aspiration that “woes that have fallen over me will be ended by his aviation.”
Our wait was very close to torment, for him we have sewed beautiful, colourful cloths and collected toys. Arrangement for midwife was already taken. Which has informed the days of his birth? On the fix time, when she was to birth him, I brought midwife for her. She first made hope for us heartily but after short span “Birth is must uphill and difficult.” So she claimed it was not her approval in the result groves falled on us. On the refuse of nurse, I thought about hospital, to go there, the arrangement of transport was as difficult as gentle drizzle, during sunny days, that reason for, some moment I completely spattered mine heart and sense, and much puzzled and worried. A flame of hope blazed into mine mind, so I went to well versed person of the village, told him worried about, and requested him about his car. First he tried to deny by showing absence of his driver, his words bumped on me, but then “I too drive well.” I said. he gave me key of his car, which was good omen from the natural havoc.
During the driving mine full attention was at the back seat, where she cried in dismay, torment and pain. On her woes mine heart flew like an injured bird and hundred of thousand of horrid confounded me. On that omnipotent, her cried were stoped, and slowly mine existence twisted like wet cloth, at that moment fear touched mine heart that “ Might be her existence breaths bird not flew away.” It also knocked the door of mind that “In her body else being is! Whom arms will be strong and forceful in future for our support, what! In the abdomen he has moved his arms?” I thought same time. I watched her from the mirror and called, on that after some seconds, she in a dismal situation dungeon horrible fear answered slowly. Her reply was the moment of lighting diamond fiery dulge, which furnaud with flame, and disappears into gloom again.
It was doleful shade and region of sorrow and havoc for me. I wanted to complete the distance speedily between the village and the city, but ancient old span not moved to give any support in hard hindrance, but our existence were grinded by it. A strange and doleful sorrow was it which disappeared face, it was utter darkness. All over them was victim, that, there was the largest number of women around the office of the lady doctors in the city hospital. An old gate keeper lady was on the duty near the door step. She tried to push women back. And then horrid silent began in the mind “Doctors are engage in the taking tea.” She ever loudly announced.
Why fate is clothed with transcendent gloom and wee want happy realm of the light and the brightness. I watched the loudly scene of women, but went ahead, with weltering thoughts.
“Aunt, please give her urgent time because of labour pains.” requested beldame gate keeper.
In repulsion, I thought, that mine grief and weakness not myriads her mind, for that cause, she obviously answered for coming of doctors and wait for number. Greatest wrath and anger obdurate into mine mind, for that apathetic and marble hearted lady. I desired about drinking all the blood of her existence at that time. But it was only my thought………!
I was not man-eater, I was human being, who is so sensitive, which weeps on woes and grieves of the others, then how can off the flame of the candle of the others life. So for a moment I diminished the hopes into the breaths, and once again tried to take horrid hazards to request her. Now women at the door step also inflict about her repent few moment ago. Old lady get her enter. After the checkup, she referred to the laboratories for test, and then to the labour room, it was sue of graces which not disdain now me, as past spans.
Now I was to be, of deified and I down fall of the ignominy. But mine satisfactions not remain constant. We were told that it was the case of “cesarean section” which solving for, no any senior lady doctor was arranged.
“It is the case of the Gynecologist” junior lady doctors said, so she was at leave that day. We also advised to go aside city and case was reffered there.
“Grief like the cuts of sword appeared on the face” when listened deny. Hear was woe damply on that solitary rumble, Mine heart voiced like drum bell. Still I was thinking about solution, a nurse of labour room get away side me.
“Due to government hospital every one tries to get off its importance and places on others.” She said mildly “Gynecologist is on leave but she can treat you on the private hospital.” With well wishes she informed in a hidden way “It is better to spend money and get to privately.”
I thanked the nurse on her advice and reached to the privet clinic of local Gynecologist. After the checkup she also advised about “cesarean section” we were agreed about that operation but after a moment she also told us that “At this time mine guests are present at my home, hereby I can not solve your case.”
After that mine position became as a man who sinks in the water and saving reason for his life forcely moves his arms and legs. I also drabbled in the darkness for the light. I started urgently and bowing words with, requesting the Gynecologist for commiseration, she moved the head in refuse, then it became uphill to request against request.
“You may go to any other place.” After getting checkup fees “Gynecologist” said in a worried way.
Then I grieved moor in monstrous situation. Mine life’s train was stoped at any plate form, and engine was gone for filling the water. I thought, I felt greatest despair and disgrace by signal of seldom happies.
I oscillated between the grace and disgrace sat hurly at the car for near by city. I wanted to complete the journey as air. In high speed of the car and sorrows tensions no any man, no any scene I watched, realized as. Which will witnessed about the accident but safe and drived car with same speed.
Not to government hospital we reached at the private medical centre. There also the doctors with the profession have compelled us for the “cesarean section”, so distance met together and I watched the every scene with sorrowful, woeful and grievly eyes. Some reflex of episodes of the events came into the mind, doctors….nurses….drips….injections….and her taken away stretcher to the operation theater. Every moment with air would give me glades. Now mine life’s train was to be started, walking over the path of the hopes and the train was again to be filled with dreams and the thoughts, and engine’s “shuk…. Shuk….shuk” appeared to which the distances of mine heart’s grieves was to be finished.
We waited out of the operation theater. Wait’s birds moved on our eyes eyelids. The faces of mine father and brother in law were to the door. Instantly they stood from their seats, I watched their glad faces. They stood suddenly as any stands in the well come of the Crown Prince. Abruptly I too changed mine face to words the door. In white colour cloths a nurse came out, mine heart danced to see the little existences in her hands. I begger like begged the chilled, and came close to the nurse. But her face has darked lines, before mine reaching my father raised arms to the nurse. Grieves clouds appeared on her eyes. All though mine eyes catched the theme of the sorrows on her face, she gave child with grief and said “That was a son, but not alive.”
By listening these words, I falled from the seven skies. Mine position was as a child, who with hard ships catches coulorful balloon but, at a clap thread threats the hand and balloon flys to the atmosphere. I also missed thread from mine hand; all at once the time has been outrun like a blind and deaf road roller by crushing any thing. Mine hands lines of the fate became shortest which were much longest, and magnetic wire gripped me, swallowed me. My apprehension came before the real shape and reality with open eyes saw into mine eyes. In the world of mine thoughts quack appeared. Although I drank grieves sip by sip, but was alive.
I tried to watch by decreasing shades over the eyes. Suddenly the sentence of mine father collides to mine ears, also with courage full words mine brother in law spoke. They both has emphasized to be agree to the almighty power of God, but were fulled with the poison, I thought their sentences emotion suddenly appeared on mine heart.
“This is not commandment of God of sky, but upon us that has thanked the land’s gods.” I said in thoughts “These land’s gods became so un-grace scissor, witch amputate the veins of life with its blind speed.” I wanted to tell that “Life is the bride of the events.” The ice of mine silency start to melt, mine father’s sound again collides with the ears.
“Now we have to go the home for arrangement of obsequies.” said to mine brother in law, he also agreed by moving the head, then they started preparation to take the dead body of the child.
“Please! Oh please! Don’t insolate the part of mine existence, because without him I’ll remain uncompleted.” I said with the tongue of eyes. “….And what will happen of her who has kept him nine months in her breaths?! That existence was the part of her soul and body. For him she has dreamed to him on her breast for ever. This existence was the strange toy that played much time in her breaths and abdomen. She has realized his moment for six months. She hoped in heart that, she will play and spend her whole life with that toy, she will keep him like a necklace till to her last breath, but fate has what performed with her …!” I wanted to say further “Now when the truth will come before her then her rest will be destroyed. The beautiful building of her dreams will be destroyed for ever, and victimized idols of the time would create mourn place on It.” Oh! God! Mine heart sighed “What happened….how happened….and why happened…?”
I did not satisfy myself by blast of volcano only waves of blaze appeared. In hopes I was graved. I thought all quacks would be finished as entered in the valley of the eyes. No any path was clear, but was buried in the grave of darkness and the solitude and like past glom will boom same way in mine life. In the universe of solitude I was alone, so I was not able to sound myself too. Mine existence’s leaf was diminished by the air of time. So solitude’s vale was mine hell.
In eye to eye I beseeched before mine father and brother in law, but they did not understand mine request, now mine hopes and dreams were in their hands.
When the gate of the car was closing, in which mine dreams were placed. Then due to the nameless motivity I moved forward, and first and last time placed hand on his angelic face, and said in thoughts “Why you only not lived alive between thousands and billions peoples…!” then bird flew suddenly, and the branch of mine heart’s tree was bereft by his feet.
After disappearing of car mine eyes were fulled with tears, control on the weeping I looked up at the sky, where sun had fare well to the harvest and veaper of the lives in the world. Reddish colour was spread as dust was blazed in whole days. I spread mine eyes that atmosphere. Some climate was in mine heart.
“Like mine heart, would be same sorrows atmosphere on the others hearts.”
I reached to the room by thoughts and carrying heavy tons of the feet, and dropping over the bed. I wept freely. I wept there, and tried to plan the make-shift by creating any beautiful lie or dissemble as I would face her from the shock and tried to change the feature.
In attack of ideas, I engulfed into brine water. Some time thoughts, a fierce echo was engaged to me unconscious and crack. Mine mind realized that all were not moments, but thin, very thin needles were puzzling me. These moments has a loft time given me death and life? Suddenly she was brought on the wheel stretcher into the room, during the havoc series of the thought. She was still uncious with pints of blood. When nurses and ward boys had shifted her to the bed, I sat on her head side and walked in the ocean of the thoughts.
She moved the lips and wanted to say some thing, when she came into the aware ness and conscious. She had not been able to move the tongue, so she watched me with the eyes of questions. I realized that she wants to know about the result of the operation. I knew her aim, and then exam’s birds started to make nests on the tree of mine existence. I had hidden mine grieves and sorrows in thousands layers of the breast from her stare aghast and himself as by the taking the wine cup on the hands, made a cold smile on the lips. I thought himself as a flame creator toy, during the storms of the woes into the heart and brought relax able smile on the face, which reflexes in the hands of the children who plays it for his happiness cause, but in the reality its shining material little flame appears.
While wearing the coat of smiles “You have begot a daughter.” I said “Which is cherub like you.” After reply of her silent question she brought tired smile on her lips and slept with satisfication. Mean while her magnetic eyes wanted to search the child. Then she opened eyes, twist appeared on her fore head, ideas hardness and wonder also open their wings on her face. So again she tried to open eyes for searching that “Why the baby is not beside her?” So mine defeated emotions again woked on her symbolic questions. Before watching the woes I felt an artesian well of ache into the lenient dust of mine heart. But how I tell her that mine hands are empty like defeated gambler, and I only worried in disdain, and doleful situation to satisfy her, and myself too.
On the whole, once again I like a defeated gambler, lost mine chance “Our baby is still under custody of hospital staff, because of your major operation it’s kept for nursing care.” I assured griefly. I also compelled her to control the whole wishes of speaking, and she must close the eyes and slept.
She aloft tried to say any thing, but with merciful console I silent her. Sleeping injection was given to her. After sleeping doze weight of tears increased into heart. I thought with tears “Perhaps, lie is too necessary for our life…” same time I felt “If that quality would not be given to the human race, then men can easily be given death, because no any reason will remain to live then.” I realized at that time.
Next day, when she came to senses, asked about her baby, so I twainly said “Thee are still not healthy to care the baby, when ye will be okay, then baby abruptly given to you.”
Mine reason did not console her and her satisfication was floated with fiery waves of restlessness. She constantly requested with innocent eyes “For a few minutes, for a moment, please! For God’s sake, show me mine existence’s part, then must back them.” Motherly grief was poured in her humbleness request and hardships. In mine heart the springs of love, clemency rose with woes. Mine sorrow’s waves were powerful, in which any one will easily be destroyed. Volcano brusted from mine body was not to be stoped. Grieve’s sensitivity has touched the last terminal of the tolerance, so it was very uphill for me to protect myself. Tear appeared from mine heart, but forthwith stoped at throat, was as steel, I realized alas! I had tried completely to hide them, and stop them at the throat, but tears have diminished the whole woes of mine heart, and were pasted as dived mists between the pages of the book. I conceived to commit the burglary into the house of heart. From mine eyes, tears droped, but with the grave of the hands hidden them, but wetness of my sorrows, and doleful situation appeared from mine words. She catched them “Strength of hiding woes was stoped.” And “I don’t want to show mine thoughts, which will bite her like the scorpion.” I thought.
She placed her hand on mine hand, although she had realized the trembling of mine hand. With greatest innocency “What happened, what you want to hide….tell me please….!” She said.
Mine heart melted and became water on her questions. Her hand took into the own hands, brought to the lips and tried to stop mine tears, but next moment like the fire of the gun a heat-reading cry has passed my throat and killed the hidden secrete between mine and her. Every thing was destroyed. Next she grieves appeared from her words, and spring of mountain appeared into the eyes. I was further woes and upset on her continue weeping and crying. Tears were started as rain from mine eyes.
“May alas! Would she die in the shock?” I was worried and terrified “For sake of Allah be silent and mute” then “You forget that woes are not like words on the site of the children must be erased.” She said. I tried to safe her from the sorrows, but she continue wept and wept. Now what I do? I thought I should hide her into mine arms, for her satisfication. Tears dried up, she slept “But I had not strength to see her tearful washed face.” I droped like the branch of tree and falled into mine shoulder and wept, when stoped the like a summer rain she encouraged me and illuminated the candles of her fingers into darkness of mine hairs.
On her satisfication, I was too stoped then suddenly she opened the lock of silence with the key of her sound “If mine all is finished, then you show me the bundle of our dreams, I want to both its dead body with mine tears….!” She drove the rope of rest and once again bursted in tears.
I satisfied with the hopeful heart, and the words like the trembling drinker of the wine “I can not complete your wish now.” Usually I had found the sinned fate “Now our greatest creation is buried into the dust….!” I wept and told.
On mine reply she continue wept, her heart fulled with the tears and sorrows, as flowers with the dew drops. Now thoughts had engulfed her that, she victimized by every side, so with untrustful eyes, watched me and asked “What has born….?”
“You have engendered the Son.” At length I gave out the complete truth, in the reply of her question. On hearing that her eyes sunk into the sea of the amazement and agony, her whole body trembled like the dry flowers. She spoked with tears, or tears with spoke, so sound did not reached me. I thought she had angered on the hidden truth. She had also tried to say that “After it perdition, why her life was saved…?” She was disturbed mentally, to away she from the woes, injection of the relaxation was given to her and she slept. Twainly she was disappeared into the world of UN thoughtful universe.