Well! that was very intensely written I have crept inside the words. You brought them to life thanks

A very creditable first effort in the micro-fiction genre.

Be wary of being 'too clever', though: why you could not have used the word 'shirt' instead of 'maillot' is beyond me... Remember, you want to engage your readers, not alienate them :-)

Overall, a good start. Well done!

Yay! Auron's great writing is back! (or maybe it's just me, i've been gone for 2 months XD) Anyway, this was amazing. It's sad but I just love the tone of the story.

I love the last sentence and such a great short story!!! Love it!