Emotionless

By Grantslang

Emotionless

By: Jonathan Grant

All this restless work, I hope it was all worth it. Where are they? Should have come by now, typical of government pinheads. Keep you waiting in your office until they feel up to it to show? Oh well….I don’t mind have a private moment to dwell with my thoughts, it’s actually therapeutic.

But as soon as I become comfortable with them they show up, typical. Guess I’ll introduce you to these men. The one on the right is Hedrick Fellow the head of our government’s science of research and development. And on the right is an Orpheziz, member of the oldest known civilization in the universe. Ugly thing if you ask me.

“Hello Hedrick, did you lose track of time?”

“No time for jokes McCarty, did you finish the project?”

“Yes I finished it, and here it is.”

I then hand that spineless spick the thing he came down for. Encoded results from our most recent experiment.

“What did you base it off of?”

Oh look the alien wants to speak now, guess I can oblige.

“We used a mannequin model and it represented my assistant, but only by the name. Everything else was made for him and completely original.”

“May we see the recorded journal data of the experimental process step by step.”

Should have seen this coming, can’t take a man’s word anymore I guess.

“As seeing as you’re the buyer then of course.”

I then clicked up the projectile camera and I let them observe every minute they wanted. I even became lost in it, I became lost in the lies that I created, and as I watched this I began to feel Abel’s sympathy for the mannequin model.

Birth Occurrence: 0 percent encoded.

I was born in Dallas Texas, can’t recall the hospital, but I can recall that my parents dignify it as their proudest day. My parents were the kindest people in the world, a world that never acknowledged them as existing.

They named me Abel Grant, after my grandfather. Never knew him, they said he was the greatest man they’ve ever known, told me it was a great honor to be named after him. But to be honest I didn’t really care, it was just a name, I didn’t want it to define me.

Afterwards parents brought me home when I was able. Grew up in that house, two stories, everyone had their own room and an extra one for anything. Kind of unnecessary but I didn’t complain, I loved it there…..it was my home.

I remember as I child my parents looking down unto me under the Christmas tree Christmas morning. I cannot make out any of the words they expressed from their lips, but I could see the emotions written all over their faces, they were happy and from then on I never saw them lower those smiles, especially my mother.

Age 8: 27 percent encoded

“Abel, would you please clean your room honey?” My mother gently stated.

How could I say no to her? Her whole being so graceful, it was a sin to even consider it.

“Yes mother, ummm afterwards can we go for some ice cream?” I said in a nervous state. I wasn’t nervous asking my mother I was nervous hearing a no from her. For reasons I cannot explain the very thought terrified me.

“Of course darling; just as long as you clean your room first.”

“Of course mother.” a smile then plastered unto my face without warning, but I welcomed it. For the one she delivered back was worth a million of mine.

Age 8: encoding error.

I then noticed something as my mother left, she seemed to skip around. I could not explain what was happening to me; first she was at my door then as in reverse left my room. Even the atmosphere seemed to do the same.

Age 8: encoding recovered. Resuming at 27 percent.

But as it came the feeling stopped and everything was normal once more, I just road it off. Nothing was wrong and I felt fine. Just a feeling I guess.

My mother then entered my room with that familiar smile on her face that I always enjoyed.

“Abel, would you please clean your room honey?” My mother gently stated.

How could I say no to her? Her whole being so graceful, it was a sin to even consider it.

“Yes mother, ummm afterwards can we go for some ice cream?” I said in a nervous state. I wasn’t nervous asking my mother I was nervous hearing a no from her. For reasons I cannot explain the very thought terrified me.

“Of course darling; just as long as you clean your room first.”

“Of course mother.” a smile then plastered unto my face without warning, but I welcomed it. For the one she delivered back was worth a million of mine.

She then left the room.

Wait! This was all too familiar to me. This all seemed to be a rush of déjà-vu. I could not help the feeling that this happened to me before. Oh well, like anything weird that happens to you without an explanation, just ride it off and continue with your life.

I then cleaned my room and jumped into my mother’s car, I was getting ice cream…..just as planned.

Age 15: 32 percent encoded

There is nothing really like high school. It has women, alcoholic parties, and more women. It was like sin was just handed to me on a silver platter, but with a wonderful representation.

Walking on the crowded floor of the school I got the same rush I got back in Comi-Con last year, couldn’t help but to bump into people heading towards class.

But without reason and meaning, as if I was forced to I glanced up to the stairs which were surprisingly vacant; the only one on them was a girl. I did not know her name, or a single detail of her. Except that her figure was the finest among perfection.

“Sir we have energetic pulses rising.” said McCarty’s assistant beaded down with stress and sweat.

“Good, apparently procedure is gaining more results then first anticipated.” McCarty then sits back in his chair in relief. “Keep the test commencing, we shall not leave until encoding is complete.

She was so beautiful; my eyes could not look without her being the center piece. And she seemed to be frozen majestically, floating like a piece of Art, greedy for the eyes of the viewers to peer on her.

I was drawn to her like a moth to flame, before I knew I was within footsteps of her. Easily in talking range.

“Um… hello. My name is Abel.” I couldn’t have sounded more nervous.

She just glared at me.

“Jessica, it’s nice to meet you.”

There it was, that smile. Just like my mothers, the resemblance was uncanny. But I had a sudden fill of relief overtake me that calmed and cooled me down.

“Hey if you’re not doing anything after school, you want to hang out or something.” want to hang out or something, and to think I thought I was starting to feel calm and cool. Guess my body lied to me, wouldn’t be the first time.

She just kept on staring at me, probably trying to figure out a good enough excuse to get rid of me.

“No Abel, I don’t want to hang out with you after school.” never thought I would be shot down that fast, Geez. And not even a remorse expression on her face.

She then started to walk passed me, and even though my chance with her was gone, my eyes still gazed her down as she left me.

She then suddenly stopped and turned around to me.

“We are going to hang out 8th period, that is, if you still want to.” she then smiled that smile and walked away unto the floor and disappeared amongst the classmates.

“Ugh! Holy shit I don’t believe it. A girl actually took an interest in me.” didn’t mean to say that part out loud, but hell I was excited. My life in high has just taken off and I’m already doing pretty well.

But how’d she know we have eighth period together?

Age 15: code corruption, recovering, recovering, recovering

Oh well, who cares Abel. A pretty girl actually likes you!

Age 15: code recovered. Resuming at 37 percent

Better head off to class before the tardy bell rings…..can’t WAIT TILL EIGHTH PERIOD!!!

Age 18: 45 percent encoded

If anyone ever tells you that high school goes by in a blink of an eye, then that person is telling you the truth.

Already eighteen; guess that makes me an adult. And just two more weeks of high school left, and these are the good two weeks. No homework and loads of partying. Geez I’m at one right now, nothing makes a weekend like beer pong. Sorry I can’t say women to, still with Jessica. If she caught me doing this, be in a world of hurt.

“Hey! Abel! Your shots up brosive.” said some drunken person I don’t even know. Never know any of these people at these things, but they know me. Guess I’ve made a name for myself. Oh well, he is right my shot is up.

“Now I want everyone to watch me shoot this, it’s going to be a hook line and sinker.” yeah, I’m a little drunk too, but that’s what beer pong does to you.

Everything is actually starting to spin, uh oh…..I think I’m passing out…..yep, I just passed out.

Age 18: encoding process slowing down.

“Sir the exegetic is slowing down.” stated McCarty’s

He just smiled and replied. “Good, that means the emotional gap we are creating is contributing through something more than love, it’s actually taking physical affect into awareness. Beautiful…absolutely beautiful.”

He then grabs a small rag from his pocket and wipes the sweat creasing from his brow.

“Let us continue with the operation.”

Age 18: encoding slowly recovering

“Ugh! Hangover kills….did I win?” I glanced around, it was already morning and everyone around me seemed to be in a comatose state.

“Guess I’m the first up, and the prize is a monkey with a wrench placed in your head beating it out from the inside.” I was always a tough drinker, but what I always put away at night I could never deal with in the morning. But nothing a whole day of sleep won’t fix.

Age 26: 67 percent encoded

“Beautiful out here isn’t it darling?”

I looked at Jessica, even at night she still seemed to shine. We were on a park bench glancing out into the waters, nothing to special, but extremely romantic. Especially with the firecrackers blasting in the air, love Fourth of July.

“Yes, but I can think of far more beautiful things.” she then simply glanced at me with that smile she inherited from my mother.

“I couldn’t agree more, couldn’t agree more.”

I then put my arm around her and pulled her in tight and glanced up at the sky as it lit up.

I always wondered what life was really about, but tonight I found the answer. My meaning of life was Jessica, and if she were to become absent from my world then that will be the day my life will no longer have meaning.

I love her; that is why I am making this decision.

“Jessica my dear.”

“Yes dear, what is it?”

I then reached my hand deeply into my jacket pocket, feeling around for that small boxes texture. I then finally get grip of it and present it to her open, with the diamond on the ring sprinkling in comparison to the fireworks.

“Will you marry me?”

She did not even answer, just kissed me deeply. In that moment I felt like we transcended time, I was no longer living in the here or now, but in eternity with her. And I would enjoy every second with her that simply just recounted.

Age 27: 77 percent encoded

September 21st, 2012. My wedding date, couldn’t have picked a better day. I love September, that and this is the date on the first time I’ve ever meet and talked to her. Yeah I remembered. Not the manliest thing in the world, but right now I don’t care, the only thing I care about is having this day go by great.

Man I got to admit I look pretty good in this tux, or is it the mirror?

“Knock, knock.”

But who? Ugh! It’s my parents.

“Hello mom; dad.”

We didn’t say another word, we just charged at each other with arms wide open. Dad just looked at me.

“Hey there sport, how you holding up?”

“Great dad… just great.”

It was weird, I felt like it was the first time my father has ever spoken to me. Felt so surreal……he felt like a stranger.

Age 27: code corruption

“Sir we are having more trouble, the code is being rejected!”

McCarty then glances at the computers results.

“By the host on that matter…… it seems he is rejecting the reality.” He then begins to smile following laughter.

“Ugh…sir is everything alright?”

McCarty then calms himself down.

“More than alright, everything’s perfect. Overload the code; it won’t affect the subject with the little time we have left.”

“Yes sir.”

Age 27: code overloading…….overloading complete.

My father then noticed my tension building up.

“Son are you okay?”

“Fine father….just wedding getter…that’s all.”

Father just smiled at me.

“I understand, we are leaving, just wanted to wish you luck.”

“Yes, good luck son, we love you.”

I just smiled back and said what they wanted me to say.

“ I love yawl to.” they then exited the room leaving me alone once more with my thoughts.

Feeling heavy, my heart is racing to. Man I guess it is wedding getters, oh well I’ll get through this. All you have to do is go out there and face the love of your life in a room full of people and say “I do.” how hard can that be?

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Ugh, who is it now, at least this person actually knocked.

“Hey Able it’s your buddy Peat, just wanted to wish you luck, oh and you’re on buddy.”

Okay, the moment of truth, time to do this. Just like fishing, hook, line, and sinker. One deeper breath……okay let’s go.

As I head for the door I realize something. Who is Peat, I don’t know a Peat.

“Ugh!” My heart all of a sudden felt extremely heavy.

I then fell onto the floor. Breathing was slowing down, vision fading….not now….not now….

“Assistant I’m going to need you all to push for the final stretch here, if we fail now then the whole project is blown and we’ll have to start from scratch.”

Ugh…I can hear something….it’s my breathing. Vision is coming back as well, man. I can see why men leave during wedding getters, can kill a lesser man. But I love my wife and I’m going to marry her….even if it kills me.

Guess I better start with getting off the floor. Dust myself off; fix my tie, alright your handsome again. Time to go get her.

Now here I stand in front of a group of people I could care less about with the exception of my parents.

The doors then opened at the end of the walk way and she emerged accompanied by her father. She was breathtakingly beautiful, when cupid hit this fool the arrow sank in deep. She was now face to face with me with a handful of happy tears coming down her lovely face…..coming down my wife’s face.

Age 27: 82 percent encoded

She was everything I ever wanted in life and more.

Age 27: 87 percent encoded

She was life, the living and breathing reincarnation of it.

Age 27: 89 percent encoded

I then grasped my heart, it was feeling heavy again, and without warning I dropped to my knees.

Age 27: 92 percent encoded.

“ McCarty we are reaching the completion point with no error!”

“Excellent! Finish the encoding and send him into hibernation upon completion.”

“Yes sir!”

Vision has begun to fade….heart is racing to fast.

Age 27: 94 percent encoded

“Jessica….Jessica…can you hear me?”

I look up but all she does is smile that same smile. I then look towards the crowd of people, the people I did not know or care for. I see my parents crying with happiness in their eyes, then that’s when I notice. Everyone else is faceless!!!

It terrified me to no extent, but all I could do is sink lower to the floor in pain and agony, I didn’t know how I knew it but….I was dying.

Age 27: 97 percent encoded

I just wanted to see her face one more time and tell her.

“Jessica…

Age 27: 98 percent encoded

….I…

Age 27: 99 percent encoded

….love…

Age 27: 100 percent encoded

Encoding process complete. Entering hibernation mode.

“McCarty, the encoding process is complete, the process was a success.”

McCarty then gets up from his chair and walks over to a huge cocoon like metallic object hooked up to the computers. And on the side of it is a window the see into it.

McCarty then approaches the window and looks inside. Inside of it is a human.

“Sir what is it that we should do now? The emotion transfer process seemed to be a success.”

McCarty then looks at the man at the computer.

“Somewhat it was a success, but one more test is to be hailed.”

The man then exploit’s a look of confusion on his face.

“One more test, but the encoding process was a finished. What else is there left to test? The subject has acquired emotion through its own will.”

McCarty then smiles and looks back into the metallic cocoon’s window.

“He has required emotions of joy and happiness, but name one time in the encoding that remorse, guilt, pain, suffering, or any guilt was approached to his peaceful perfect life.”

The assistant then becomes a loss for words.

McCarty then begins to walk to the door.

“Sir wait! What shall we do with him?”

He then turns around.

“Present him with the emotions that were absent from his life.”

The assistant then begins to plead.

“But how? Do another encoding?”

McCarty then starts to become frustrated.

“It is simple, wake him up and tell him the truth.”

“The truth?”

“Yes, tell him he is a mannequin type service droid whose only purpose was to see if by will a soulless empty shelled object can develop and experience emotions…

The assistant then looks towards McCarty with disgust.

…then state that the life he experienced was a lie, just a simulation nothing more. His name is not Abel Grant, he does not live in the 21st century, he has no parents, and most of all include that the women that he defined as his life never existed.

The two men then break eye contact.

And after you tell him the truth, I want you to record every action he makes from that point on, I want to see what he does as the concept of the truth begins to sink in and as he accepts that his life is nothing…..meaningless . I want the reaction he gets when no tears come from his face after sulking.”

The assistant then stands up into McCarty’s face.

“What are you doing to this person; you gave him everything anyone could ever want, now in a matter of seconds you decide to take it away from him. It’s cruel!”

McCarty then acknowledges

“Good! That’s the point I am trying to get across! This is the real world and I am presenting both of its faces to a soulless being. And if that point can get across then this project is a success! Now awake him and do what I have ordered of you, or are you just going to leave him there lying in slumber of his own thoughts of a life that was false from the beginning?”

McCarty then sits back in his chair. Pondering his madness.

“I’m sorry my friend……. it’s just a lot is riding on this.”

“But what is this? Why do we create an artificial life with a past already engraved and then dispose of him and just keep the encoded emotions?”

The scientist then stares at his assistant who is seeking answers.

“Two months ago the head of our government’s research and development team contacted me. He asked me if I would want to lead science into a new direction. Of course I said yes. So he placed me on a project.”

“What project?”

“I was to develop and create from will, emotion. We tried many things, but when it all came down the project resulted in impossible. But I wanted to try one more thing, if we could not create it maybe we could record the feeling down while it was being experienced.”

McCarty then points towards the giant metallic cocoon.

“So I invented the experience chamber.”

“I see…”

“With it you can experience anything amongst your wildest dreams. But if you and I were to enter it only a portion of our true emotion would be present knowing the experience was false, but place an empty shell into and the experience for him would become reality.”

The assistant then becomes lost.

“But the empty shell would not have room to show his true emotion if he had none to begin with.”

“That is why this experiment is such a success, we didn’t just open up true emotion, we created it, and that was the goal all along.”

“But why? What is the need to create emotion, something we are born with?”

McCarty then begins to rub his eyes under his glasses, as though to clear his head.

“A month before the head of research and development accompanied me they were contacted by the Orpheziz’s.”

“The Orpheziz’s?

“Yes, the oldest civilization in the known universe contacted us for help; apparently they noticed what our higher ups began to notice.”

“Which is?”

“Out of every being in the universe humans are the only ones who express emotion. Other intelligent species deprived it as a weakness to us, but the Orpheziz’s see it as strength.”

The assistant then realized it all.

“So we created emotions to give to the Orpheziz’s.”

“Yes and our government is selling it like a drug to them at a very high price. Government gets rich, Orpheziz’s get emotions, and everybody wins.”

“So they are going to synthesize the memories gathered here, but how would the Orpheziz’s obtain emotions if they have nothing to present?”

“It worked for an empty shell did it not. It will work, we have proven that today.”

The assistant then falls back in his chair.

“…so then it must be done…”

“Yes, I‘m sorry friend”

McCarty then begins to walk out of the lab, but is asked one more question by his assistant.

“Sir what shall I do with him after he has learned the truth?”

He then halts.

“Record all the information of his behavior then dispose of him……”

“Terminate him?”

“Yes, the encoding information is the only thing that is important, extract it from him and send his remains to the scrap, what did you expect? He is only a prototype.”

“But sir…..McCarty….McCarty!!!”

I then leave my own personal flashbacks and come back to my more present setting, here standing in front of two beings that I couldn’t care less for.

“Well done McCarty, you’ve out done yourself this time. I’ll see that the higher ups hear of your success.”

“Thank you Hedrick, I appreciate it.”

The two then leave me alone once again to tinker with my thoughts. Thoughts that are bad mouthing me and telling me how much of an ass I am. Abel was right, the experiment was cruel and I was the head behind it. Ruined so many lives in my past I thought this was going to be different, thought this would redeem me. But it just dug me deeper in the hole of my own doing.

Then all of a sudden a thought just popped out.

“ good job McCarty, out of all the lives you ruined….you managed to ruin one without a soul this time……it’s shameful, a soulless empty shell can express emotions….why can’t I? Guess I still have everyone fooled. ”

McCarty then faces a mirror in his office and stares at himself.

“Camouflage is a hell of a thing…..but I’m done living a lie…

McCarty skin then turns red and scales begin to form all over his body.

…how come only humans can express these emotions?”

He then pulls off a necklace that surrounded his throat, which was also camouflage. He then looks down at it in his hand.

I remember when I created this, it suppressed my words and transformed them to show emotion, but as the words sounded with emotion….my being was left emotionless.

After today though, everything will change.

McCarty then pulls out a syringe.

“Everything will change…...”

He then sticks the syringe into his wrist.

Now I wait to see if my experiment was an actual success, I wait to see if I can finally express emotions, instead of faking it like I have been doing my entire life.

I wait to become the envy of the universe…..I wait to become more human

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