My parents were and are strict in a strange way. Growing up, my brother and I always had a curfew of nine o'clock-- sometimes ten if we were lucky. Sleepovers were an absolute no, and any time we went to a friend's house, they would want to know every detail about what we'd be doing. None of that is strange, really-- maybe a little overbearing, but relatively normal.
The school I went to had zero, and I mean ZERO sex-ed. We never even brushed the topic, let alone addressed my questions and concerns. That would have been fine if my parents had done it instead, but alas, nothing but silence from them. Nothing sexual allowed, even if it was completely for educational purposes.
Fuck that. Fuck not learning. Parents, be aware of what your children are or are not learning. Ignoring something will NOT keep your kids from exploring for themselves, and sometimes that leads to dangerous places.
Here's the kicker though. They let me get a phone. And what's more, they didn't police my use of it AT ALL. Naturally, I took to the internet to find answers to my questions, and one thing led to the next, and my curiosity eventually found me watching porn nearly every day, quickly becoming addicted even as I realized that porn was not educating me, nor was it healthy for my self esteem or my relationships with others.
I don't mean to use my parents or school as an excuse, but only a fool would dismiss the role they played in allowing me-- or at least not preventing me-- from finding porn. They did not educate me, and when they gave me the tools to educate myself, they offered no guidance or supervision. Of course I played the biggest role; I searched things up, I clicked on the links. I watched the shit. But it could have been avoided if my curiosity had been satisfied in a controlled, safe way.
Anyway, bogged down by porn and all the emotional ruin that came along with it, I slogged through my teenage years burdened by guilt from my addiction and shame at my utter lack of self control. It was hell. Depression and anxiety flooded in, my future loomed expectantly before me, and my unknowing parents continued to pat me on the back as I struggled on my own to reclaim some of my former dignity. I was living a lie, and I felt utterly alone.
Then I found r/NoFap, and slowly came back from that dark place-- still without my parents knowing about it. I'm several months clean, and still trying to come to terms with the past and forgive myself.
To the people who make porn so accessible, FUCK YOU.
To the people who make it, FUCK. YOU.
To the people who say it's fine, and easy to quit, fuck you too.
To parents who think their kids will be fine growing up without any sort of education, F U C K Y O U. This is what happens. Years of self loathing and still no healthy sex education.
To anyone struggling to quit porn, don't give up. It's hard, hard is an understatement, but it's worth it. But you probably already know that. I believe in you. The chaps at r/NoFap are also massively helpful and endlessly supportive.
Oh, and parents? If you aren't going to be aware of what your children are doing on their phones, maybe let up on the curfews, eh? Just a thought.
Author Notes: Fuck porn.
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United States • 24 years old