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Fading Youth
Fading Youth

Fading Youth


Growing up you get more freedom and a mind of your own. You get so much and can do as you desire, but the one thing you always lose is time. You don’t only lose days, months and years, but you also lose all your free time. You become busy with work and chores, bills and more. You lose choices and open doors. You must pick your path or you’ll go nowhere.

I don’t want to commit to one thing, I love the variety. However, not committing means you can’t do anything well and a jack of all trades is worthless when there are specialists of every field. I don’t want to let go of the things I enjoy, but if I don’t, soon stress will get to me and I won’t be able to enjoy them anymore. Stress is, unfortunately, a great motivator for success… I just want a break. I can do It but not right now, please.

I feel inapt for life. You need to work hard at school to succeed academically, socialise enough to not go insane and somehow find the time to sleep, eat well and exercise. Basic chores aren’t difficult, but they take time and effort, which can be a big burden when there’s other stuff going on, as there always is. You have to figure out who you are, how you're broken and how to become a better person. You have to figure out what you want from life, what your dreams and aspirations are and how to work towards them. Even with hobbies I should work on improving. I should finish projects rather than starting new ones. Can’t I get a break? There are far too many responsibilities, who thought I could handle this? I’m crumbling under the weight, I can’t do it. But there’s no other option, no alternative. All you can do is keep moving, push until you collapse. No rest for the wicked.

Even if you do all this and make it to tomorrow, where are you then? Mistakes are inevitable. You can’t avoid ‘what if’s and you’re filled with regret. Making it to tomorrow doesn’t help. Besides, tomorrow has struggles of its own, likely as great or even greater than those of today. Life is an involuntary fight to the death and, spoilers, you don’t win.

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6 Oct, 2020
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1 min
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