I hate myself for being able to let her know my feelings toward. When I miss her every part of me call out for her.
When I miss I could feel it in every sense in my body.
I was lost in memory of love, this feeling was burning my entire body.
I want to believe she is the only one for me and I am the only one for her.
Me without her, just like morning without Sunshine , like night without moonlight.
Without her love my life is empty, just like heaven without fairly. She become the air that I breathing.
But in reality she just like a fragment of snow, a melody of winters.
She is only beautiful memories that I write for myself, she was close yet too far for me to reach. She was never had the same kind of feeling I had.
I know from the beginning she never love me, I knows it more than anyone. Its true she care about me, but her feelings towards me wasn't love.
Although she treated the same as him
But in the end all she do for me, was meant for him. Just like her, we both pathetic, we are just coward unable to let the one we love know how much we love them.
Every time she with me, I am trying to figure the look in her when she look at me. I don't want to over thinking and end up mess up. That why I am always hesitate.
It's seem like all her concerns about me, that once made me happy. Isn't as special as her concerns about him.
I am trying to forbid myself not to over think, but it's was difficult when we are so close to each other. But she never know I have a mix feeling.
I am always wanted to ask her.... How important I am to her? Can I even dream being with her?
Will I ever get a chances to stand in her heart?
I can't let my feelings go, but I can't stop love her too.
Even though her feelings toward me wasn't love, I just want to next to her.
Even if I can't have her heart for myself at least I want to ask to let me stay in her heart even just in the corner of her heart.
Today she came to look for me, though the other day she went with him.
Until now, I am still not sure what I am to her, what is my position in her life.
Just like the melody of winter giving warm to your hearts for a second and it melt away after the song end.
Author Notes: To be continue part 5
Indonesia • 32 years old