I really wanted to enjoy your story... but you lost my concentration with your tedious and repetitive and excruciatingly tiresome description of her work with the ball in paragraphs two and three. This is definitely a case of far too much information for information's sake. There are other examples throughout your work, which really detracts from your story, which is a real pity. You could have covered almost all of those two paragraphs in half-a-dozen sentences without detriment to your story.

May I suggest a thorough re-read of both parts and some judicious editing to make the whole more palatable and reader-friendly? It's a good piece of work that has been somewhat damaged (not ruined!) by a dose of verbosity taking over in places. It is not irredeemable :-)